The Grinch Who Stole Fastbreaks is coming to Williams Arena on Thursday night. Someone needs to stop him from nailing peach baskets to the backboards.
Bo Ryan, who coaches deflated basketball at the University of Wisconsin, is the best thing ever to happen to his school's program. It's debatable whether he's the best or worst thing ever to happen to his sport.
Coaches like Ryan make college basketball fascinating. He takes unathletic players and melds them into an oversized Swiss watch, a small machine that works because of unseen mechanisms.
Coaches like Ryan mean college basketball can be unsightly. His philosophies mirror those of many of his peers who have devised strategies that turn what used to be the most exciting game in the land into a combination of wrestling and polka.
As talented players continue to leave early for pro ball, while rules and on-site officials allow the subtle muggings Ryan and his peers teach, college basketball has become a game of sideline control.
That's wonderful if you have tickets to the Kohl Center. That's not so wonderful if you believe basketball is meant to be a creative and free-flowing sport.
Coaches like Ryan know they can't win with an entertaining style, so they slow down the game. They decrease the number of possessions by discouraging their own players as well as the other team from running. They regard the first 20 seconds on the shot clock the way moviegoers regard previews.
Basketball has always featured coaches who believed in Ryan's philosophies. What's different these days is that defenders are allowed to get away with contact that wouldn't be allowed in an NFL secondary.