The familiar sounds are back. Rumbling yellow school buses, the roar of crowds at football games, children giggling together, parents pleading for just one more first-day photo — this time with a smile. Other adults, though, face an eerie quiet that's far from a relief. While most move well through their child's transition to college (and can be forgiven for wanting to do a happy dance), some need help to shake their sadness. "Life doesn't come with a handbook that says, 'This is how you handle this life stage,' " said Eddie Luker, a clinical therapist at the Mayo Clinic Health System in La Crosse, Wis. Luker offers parents guidance to address "empty nest syndrome" and also to find joy in new possibilities.
Q: Is "empty nest syndrome" an actual thing?
A: It's not an actual clinical diagnosis. However, it speaks to a life development issue — aging. At the stage of life when empty nest occurs, parents may experience a sense of grief and loss, as raising a child — parenting — might be the person's main purpose in life. It has become part of their identity. So, when the nest becomes empty, some parents experience depression-like symptoms. Some parents, or other significant adults, become vulnerable to problems such as substance abuse or gambling.
Q: Is this a baby boomer phenomenon? I'm guessing that my parents, who lived through World War II, didn't mourn their empty nest, despite how charming my brothers and I certainly were.
A: I'm not sure if this is just a boomer experience. However, this generation has had the opportunity to explore empty nest realities and give voice to this stage in life. From personal experience, my mother, who was from the Depression generation, experienced a profound period of depression that began when the oldest of our six siblings left home. She tried to hide this from our family, but it was apparent to all of us that she struggled when each child moved on.
Q: So, you don't have to have an entirely empty nest to feel sad?
A: Correct. This is the beginning of the recognition that we're in this stage now. Our role is changing.
Q: What are some of the most common symptoms of this malaise?