He is the basketball version of the Nuclear Football, the doomsday briefcase that accompanies the president everywhere. He is the fire extinguisher encased in glass. He is the Pale Panacea, the solution to all that ails the Minnesota Timberwolves.
He is Mark Madsen, the Good Sport of Last Resort, and he must be called upon like a superhero from the Fortress of Solitude. Only he can save them now.
On their last road trip, the Wolves kept Madsen on the bench, and paid for it. They slipped on the banana peels that are the Kings and the Clippers, accidentally and regrettably winning two games in a row. Returning home to crickets chirping in Target Center helped the Wolves regain their equilibrium, and they got back to the task at hand on Tuesday, throwing away a game against Portland.
Lest anyone forget, this is the assignment of the 2007-2008 Wolves: Losing as much as possible to attain the highest chance of winning the NBA draft lottery and landing Kansas State's Michael Beasley.
During the second half of the season, the Wolves have lapsed in their duties, winning the occasional game and allowing the Miami Heat to hurtle past them in the race for the worst record in the NBA.
The Wolves need to play down to the level of their competition. The Heat has been determined to fail all year. Heat honcho Pat Riley advertised his intentions early by making a trade with the Wolves for Ricky Davis and Mark Blount.
Right then, the Wolves' brass should have grown suspicious. Any team willing to trade for Davis and Blount clearly has no intention of winning games.
The Heat became even more plainly unambitious by trading away Shaquille O'Neal, ending Dwyane Wade's season early and having Riley promise to take games off to scout.