Robert Wagner backed out as the voice of Charlie because of a "scheduling conflict." I'm guessing the conflict was with his sense of good taste. This reboot may be sexier and slicker than the original, but it's also beyond stupid, with dialogue that's just plain criminal. This clunker should lead the list of this season's early casualties. ★

  • 7 p.m., KSTP, Ch. 5.


A finicky magazine columnist (David Hornsby) hires his former high-school tormentor (Kevin Dillon) to teach him how to loosen up -- a flimsy setup that's saved by the antics of supporting performers Mary Lynn Rajskub and Rhys Darby. Their mismatched marriage saves the series and makes you wonder why they're not center stage. ★★ 1/2

  • 7:30 p.m. starting Sept. 29, WCCO, Ch. 4


After her mother is killed, Cassie (Britt Robertson) moves into a town where just about everyone appears to have special powers. Hey, why settle for one witch when you can have a slew of them? "Vampire Diaries" executive producer Kevin Williamson gets greedy in this overwrought outing that is cursed with too much impractical magic. ★★

  • 8 p.m., WUCW, Ch. 23.


This not-so-standard crime procedural features an emotionally wounded operative (Jim Caviezel) who uses security cameras to stop crimes before they happen. In other words, Big Brother is watching -- and you might, too, especially if you're a "Lost" fan drawn to the casting of Michael Emerson as Caviezel's man-behind-the-curtain supervisor. Is it possible that he got that limp from the Smoke Monster? ★★★

  • 8 p.m., WCCO, Ch. 4


Anyone who has seen Whitney Cummings' brilliant, bawdy standup act knows she's a rising star. But watching this PG version of her reminds me of why George Carlin never had a network hit. Sometimes you shouldn't declaw the tiger. ★★ 1/2

  • 8:30 p.m., KARE, Ch. 11.


NBC would have saved itself a lot of grief if it had slapped a "Law & Order" label on this by-the-numbers crime drama. Instead, some viewers will inevitably make comparisons with the BBC classic of the same name -- a losing proposition. Wipe Helen Mirren from your mind, admire Maria Bello's ability to play gritty gals and you'll be more than content. ★★★

  • 9 p.m., KARE, Ch. 11


  • The show: "Whitney." (NBC)
  • The role: Um, Whitney, one half of a happily unmarried couple who uses blunt humor and the occasional tight nurse's outfit to satisfy her man.
  • Where you've seen her: Comedy Central roasts, the comedy-club circuit.
  • Why we love her: Her stand-up act is so hilariously vulgar, it would make Sarah Silverman blush. The network version of her ain't bad, either.
  • On her recent meeting with a big-time producer: "I went and I bought Christian Louboutin pumps, which I was planning on returning the next day after I met him, but I sweat in them so much that I ended up having to keep them."
  • What you didn't know: Graduated magna cum laude from the University of Pennsylvania. In three years.