Ask Amy: Audacious text sets off husband

Dear Amy: My wife of over 25 years is foreign-born. She travels to her home country for an extended period almost every year, during which I join her for part of the visit.

Recently when she returned home, she told me that after I had left, she was introduced to a male acquaintance of her family's. She said that they did not have a conversation, but did notice that he stared at her constantly.

Afterward, this man tracked her down and sent her a text message, which she let me read. It was quite lengthy and frankly, incredibly audacious. He told her how attractive she is, how he wanted to spend time with her, and suggested how to discreetly contact him to arrange a rendezvous.

Her response to him was polite: "I'm flattered, but I'm busy. Perhaps some other time."

I made a note of his phone number, and after fretting about it for a few week, sent him a terse message (I'm fluent in his language) saying that he was rude, unmannerly, interested only in a sexual encounter with my wife and to back off.

He did not answer my message; instead he forwarded it to my wife, who got angry and said that I embarrassed her and violated her privacy. I told her that someone had to put him in his place, and I was proud to do it.

My wife is a very attractive woman. I am aware of the attention she receives. To me, however, that man went way over the top. Did I do the right thing, or was I being meddlesome?

In its ambiguity, "Perhaps some other time" can be read as something of an invitation.

The politeness she extended was to this acquaintance, but not necessarily to you. In response, you stewed about this and then acted out in anger.

You were trying to protect your marriage by being direct, but your wife is the one who should have drawn a firm boundary around your marriage. You could have asked her to make a more definitive statement, rather than doing it yourself.

She was honest with you regarding how your behavior made her feel. You should talk to her about how this has made you feel: "This text exchange made me very sad and angry. I'm worried about our relationship, and I'm trying to protect it."

Dear Amy: You recently wrote: "I have mentioned this many times (especially lately), but the ubiquity of DNA testing is basically coming for everyone. Each of us should try to anticipate the possibility of being contacted by DNA relatives."

This seeking out of biological parents, in many instances, is an invasion of privacy and totally disrespects the love, sacrifice and support of the family they were raised with.

Amy says: If dozens of infertile couples within your uncle's community used his donations to conceive, these children all have important reasons to learn their DNA heritage.

DNA-related siblings growing up in the same community could conceive children together and face extreme health, emotional and social consequences.

So buck up. Any people coming forward might not be family members of yours — but they are related to you.