Dear Amy: Our son's in-laws, who live in Europe, have repeatedly invited us to stay at their house, including over the upcoming holidays. We are considering going, and told them so. Then I got a text from my daughter-in-law with an Airbnb listing where she said we could stay to be "away from the mayhem."

To us, mayhem is part of the holiday experience. So, we think this might be a dis-invite, but don't know how to formulate a response. (We did check on the Airbnb, and it's booked.)

We are on good terms with everyone and want to keep it that way. What do you think we should do?

Amy says: "Mayhem is part of the holiday experience," while true, is not necessarily a selling point — certainly for anyone contemplating hosting for a presumably longish overseas stay.

Your daughter-in-law might be trying to deftly discourage you from staying with her folks, and I think you should take this message, accept it and assume that if you make this trip, you should find a place to stay.

You could circle back to your DIL and note: "We totally understand about mayhem. It sounds as if you think it would be best if we didn't accept your parents' invitation to stay with them. The property you linked to is already booked, but we note a few others nearby. Do you have thoughts about any of those properties?"

Plans have changed

Dear Amy: Months ago, my wife and I were invited to a wedding that will be held in a month's time. It was to be a big formal church wedding, followed by a reception for guests. Now we've received a postcard announcing that plans have changed and that the wedding will be a closed private ceremony, and that guests should plan on showing up just for the reception afterward.

If I had known this was going to be the plan, I probably would have declined attending at all. We feel like we've been jilted and are curious to know your thoughts.

Amy says: If you don't want to attend this reception and suspect that you would hold onto your jilted feelings throughout the event, it's not too late to let the hosts know that you'll be "declining."

Marriage ceremonies can be profound events to witness, but there are other aspects to a wedding celebration (aside from the ceremony) that are also communal and joyful. It's possible to attend a reception and still feel as if you've been a part of the wedding, but this is very much up to how the couple design the event, as well as the attitude you bring to it.

There are a number of reasons why a couple might choose to change their ceremony plans at this late stage; you should respectfully accept whatever explanation they supply for this change.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.