Dear Amy: Our son's in-laws, who live in Europe, have repeatedly invited us to stay at their house, including over the upcoming holidays. We are considering going, and told them so. Then I got a text from my daughter-in-law with an Airbnb listing where she said we could stay to be "away from the mayhem."
To us, mayhem is part of the holiday experience. So, we think this might be a dis-invite, but don't know how to formulate a response. (We did check on the Airbnb, and it's booked.)
We are on good terms with everyone and want to keep it that way. What do you think we should do?
Amy says: "Mayhem is part of the holiday experience," while true, is not necessarily a selling point — certainly for anyone contemplating hosting for a presumably longish overseas stay.
Your daughter-in-law might be trying to deftly discourage you from staying with her folks, and I think you should take this message, accept it and assume that if you make this trip, you should find a place to stay.
You could circle back to your DIL and note: "We totally understand about mayhem. It sounds as if you think it would be best if we didn't accept your parents' invitation to stay with them. The property you linked to is already booked, but we note a few others nearby. Do you have thoughts about any of those properties?"
Plans have changed
Dear Amy: Months ago, my wife and I were invited to a wedding that will be held in a month's time. It was to be a big formal church wedding, followed by a reception for guests. Now we've received a postcard announcing that plans have changed and that the wedding will be a closed private ceremony, and that guests should plan on showing up just for the reception afterward.
If I had known this was going to be the plan, I probably would have declined attending at all. We feel like we've been jilted and are curious to know your thoughts.