Dear Amy: My youngest brother was arrested 19 years ago, jailed for eight weeks and put on probation for 10 years for molesting a 4-year-old child. This was horrible for the child's family and for my family.

We thought this was a one-time thing. My brother went on with his life, got married, and has a good job.

But very recently, five family members (now adults), say he molested them, too, when they were young.

His wife has no clue about this. She has grandchildren. Should any of us family members tell her for the sake of her grandchildren? Blowing up the family will indeed happen if this gets out. It's a Pandora's box, but it seems that something should be said.

What are your thoughts?

Amy says: My thoughts are that someone (your parents, perhaps) could have — and should have — done more to protect the first generation of children who were victimized by your brother after his conviction.

In addition to his (very light) sentence, he should have received therapeutic help, and he should not have had access to children. But because this crime is so painful for your family to face, the news that he is a convicted child molester was swept under the carpet, and it seems that he went on to victimize more children, who now carry this burden with them.

Yes, his wife should be told, immediately. The phrasing of your letter suggests that your wife's grandchildren are your brother's step-grandchildren. Their parents also should be notified of your brother's conviction for child molestation and that it likely was not a "one-time thing." He should not have any access to children without their parents present.

Numbers don't add up

Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I have been together for over three years. After a year, we moved in together. I was buying a house, and the plan was that he would sell his house and move in with me and my two teenagers.

Before buying the house, we reviewed our finances. I was aghast at not only how in debt he was, but at the realization that it didn't seem to bother him. He has $60,000 in unsecured debt and has since had his wages garnished.

He hasn't fully paid his taxes from 2018, and he still hasn't filed the taxes that were due back in April. I've tried talking to him, letting him know filing taxes is not optional.

Aside from his financial woes, he is the most caring and kind human I've ever met. I thought that I could help him learn to be financially responsible, but anytime I bring it up, he shuts down. I know he's embarrassed.

How can I help him want to become financially responsible? Everyone always asks when we are getting married. I don't want to marry into that type of financial carelessness, but I don't want to "out" him to his friends/family, either.

What would be the appropriate response when people ask when we are getting married?

Amy says: A third, neutral party often can make headway where a partner cannot. You two should meet with an experienced accountant, who can review your finances and help your boyfriend arrive at a reasonable plan to prioritize his financial issues and start to deal with them.

Your guy needs to understand that taking care of his finances is a caring and kind thing to do. It is an extension of his willingness to be a fully functioning partner.

No, do not marry into this mess. If people ask about marriage, you can simply say, "We haven't decided."

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