Dear Amy: My youngest brother was arrested 19 years ago, jailed for eight weeks and put on probation for 10 years for molesting a 4-year-old child. This was horrible for the child's family and for my family.
We thought this was a one-time thing. My brother went on with his life, got married, and has a good job.
But very recently, five family members (now adults), say he molested them, too, when they were young.
His wife has no clue about this. She has grandchildren. Should any of us family members tell her for the sake of her grandchildren? Blowing up the family will indeed happen if this gets out. It's a Pandora's box, but it seems that something should be said.
What are your thoughts?
Amy says: My thoughts are that someone (your parents, perhaps) could have — and should have — done more to protect the first generation of children who were victimized by your brother after his conviction.
In addition to his (very light) sentence, he should have received therapeutic help, and he should not have had access to children. But because this crime is so painful for your family to face, the news that he is a convicted child molester was swept under the carpet, and it seems that he went on to victimize more children, who now carry this burden with them.
Yes, his wife should be told, immediately. The phrasing of your letter suggests that your wife's grandchildren are your brother's step-grandchildren. Their parents also should be notified of your brother's conviction for child molestation and that it likely was not a "one-time thing." He should not have any access to children without their parents present.
