Laura Barclay of Etiquette Centre of Minneapolis offers this advice:

"Hosts get caught up in trying to do everything right and they forget about the relationship. Don't worry about 'Am I serving the right meal?' or 'Is this the right centerpiece?' It doesn't matter if all the flatware or plates match. Be present at the event and socialize."

Guests need to be thoughtful, too. Some common faux pas that Barclay notes:

• Arriving too early or too late (fashionably late varies by region of country, but in the Twin Cities, 10 to 15 minutes late is OK for a dinner).

• Monopolizing the conversation.

• Dressing inappropriately.

• Double dipping.

• Drinking too much alcohol.

• Bringing a gift when "no gifts" has been communicated.

• Checking e-mails or talking on your cell phone.

• Handing out business cards at a dinner party.

• Starting an argument.

• Not bringing a hostess gift.

LEE SVITAK DEAN