"I've discovered one simple trick to bring your cable bill down to zero. It's genius! Corporate accountants hate this (do it now)!"
So say the junk ads that invest our beloved internet. They link to a junk site that goes 126 pages before you find the simple trick, and in the meantime sells you remedies for toenail fungus, tinnitus or that most unusual malady, toenail tinnitus. "Stop ringing noise in the shoe now with this one trick audiologists and podiatrists hate!" And there's a picture of someone with a teabag over his nose.
But I do have one simple trick to bring the bill to $0.00: Cancel your cable. No, you say, I need it to watch the Vikings, just like I need a hammer to drive nails into my skull, which has the same effect as watching the Vikings.
OK, but how about cutting the bill in half?
The other day I got a notice that my satellite radio would renew soon. Do I need it? I don't. Oh, there are things I like, but I can live without them. Really. If they found me dead tomorrow, the paramedics wouldn't ask, "Did he just cancel his satellite radio? A lot of people make that mistake. Turns out they can't live without it."
I canceled by chat. The Retention Agent on the other end asked if there was anything they could do to keep me, and I said, "Sure, knock the price down 80%."
Turns out they could do that, and they did. For a year. I realized something: All I had to do was ask. Who knew?
What if this works everywhere, and we just don't know it because we never think to try?