If Amazon were a character from an old sitcom, which would it be?
I know, I know, you were just talking about that the other day. Me, too! I read some news about Amazon that made me think of the two most important lessons about adulthood I learned from watching old sitcoms.
No. 1: The most terrifying event in a married couple's life was having the boss over for dinner. He usually invited himself, and the stammering, noodle-legged husband couldn't possibly say no. He would break the news to his wife, who would promptly put on an apron, even if the event was a week away.
The boss was always large, loud, prickly and had thick black glasses. The husband was nervous because his promotion might depend on this. If the wife burned the pot roast, the boss would be unhappy. This would be worse than losing the Johnson Account.
Something always saved the day, though, and the boss refrained from pitching the family into unemployment and penury because of "the little woman," who made a grand dessert. Thus sated, he tottered away, giving no more thought to the anxiety he had caused.
We never saw the possible fallout. The dessert was a prune meringue, and the boss suffered a horrible accident on the commuter train the next day. The promotion would go to someone whose wife did not burn the pot roast, the man's career would stall, he would blame his wife, and little Richie would hear the fights in the other room and put his pillow over his head.
There didn't seem to be any way to avoid the Dreaded Boss Supper. Nowadays the idea is absurd. Can you imagine your manager asking if they can come over and eat food? Right in front of you? With their mouth? It would be like your supervisor scheduling a Zoom meeting so they can watch you chew.
No. 2: Periodically, the nosy neighbor would come over to "borrow" a cup of sugar or flour. This always was a pretext for surveillance on your home, to see if you were a witch, or confirm some stupid neighborhood gossip that arose from an utterly avoidable misconception.
