How was your visit to 2023?

If I had to state my age, it would be "keenly interested in taking the surveys offered on store receipts." Hey, you get 5% off your next purchase. I figure, inflation is under 5%, I get 5% off, I'm making money here!

(That was just to cause pain to people who understand math. Sorry.)

There's an art to answering the survey. Was I extremely satisfied? You don't want to give them "extremelys" because then they settle into complacency. Also, "I am extremely satisfied I was able to buy milk" suggests I am a 1980s Soviet émigré who just woke up from a long coma.

A few "dissatisfieds" will keep them on their toes. Add an "extremely dissatisfied" into the mix in some nonessential part that won't get anyone fired, just to show you're not a fanboy. "I was extremely dissatisfied with the selection of frozen foods. I wanted a borscht and rutabaga smoothie, and you only had one brand, and it wasn't organic."

One constant question: "Was there any team member who helped you?" Yes, my card wasn't working; it said "chip malfunction." The team member cleaned it off with an alcohol-based solution, tried it again, called the bank when it didn't work, extended a personal line of credit, completed the purchase and carried the bags to my car, where he noted that my left rear tire was low, whereupon he blew it up with a portable air compressor. But you know that rubber thing that goes on the valve? He didn't screw it all the way back, and I had to tighten it myself when I got home, so maybe you should have a talk with him. I think his name is Chip McFunction or something.

I always feel as if I've accomplished something when I've filled out these surveys, and it made me look back at my visit and reflect. So I think we should get a QR code today that lets us fill out a survey for the year, and get, oh, 5% more sleep in 2024.

Did this year meet your expectations? No, but it turns out that getting rich and handsome requires some effort on my part, so that's on me. / Yes, since my new baseline is "no plague or city in flames," I'm easy to please.

Were you able to successfully fulfill these purposes? Yes, inasmuch as I adjusted my purposes downward to consist of "finishing all the streaming shows I started" and "cancelling Duolingo before it auto-renews." / No, the store didn't carry Western, so I ordered it from Amazon, but someone stole the box off my porch

Did anyone assist you in 2023? No, managed fine on my own. / Yes, in the sense that we are all interconnected in ways we rarely consider, from the utility workers who keep the lights on to the person who gives you a random smile that stays with you all day, a simple elemental act of connection that underscores our shared human experience while highlighting the isolation we come to accept as normal — it's all a matrix of mutual assistance that makes each day possible, but. ...

That's sufficiently holistic, thank you. Would you like to tell us about anyone who assisted you?