Build a not-too-busy family

Organized sports have never really been an option for Carolyn and Kirt Boston's three children -- Jarydd, 20; Mikaela, 17; and Liam, 13 -- but they definitely haven't lacked activities since the family has always been committed to spending time together in a variety of ways, including hiking, camping, backpacking and practicing taekwondo.

As owner of the Classic TaeKwonDo Studios in Minneapolis for more than 15 years, Carolyn Boston said the demands of teaching taekwondo after school every day and into the evening led to a "no sports" policy for her kids, although Jarydd and Mikaela (who were home-schooled, as is Liam) did participate on a cross-country ski team with South High School once they could get themselves to practice.

Boston, of Minneapolis, has no regrets about their family's organized-sports decision because she believes her kids thrived in their pursuits of many different interests.

"I really believe kids need free time to come up with their own ideas," she said. "If they are completely overscheduled, they don't know what they are supposed to do if you don't tell them."

With the beginning of the school year approaching, many families will be registering their children for sports, music or dance classes; some parents may also plan to volunteer as coaches or committee members.

While all of these activities can be worthwhile, parents should be careful not to over-commit their kids (or themselves) since more often than not, the tradeoff will be family time.

Jenny Hanlon, a parenting adviser in Stillwater who offers counseling sessions and workshops for parents, said this is a great time of year for families to do a reality check on what matters most to them, decide what types of activities they want for their children, and set goals to help them all create the type of family life they want.

It is easy for parents to get swept up in a flood of organized sports and other activities ("If some parents see others signing up for soccer four nights a week, they think that's the thing to do," Hanlon said), but in the end, each family has both the ability and responsibility to control its own schedule.

Hanlon's reality check encourages parents to ask themselves these questions: Does the situation take away childhood or hinder my child's development? Does it require too much time, money or attention? Does it conflict with family goals? Does it happen because I'm afraid to say no?

"If you answer 'yes' to two or more of these questions, it might be time to make a new plan," said Hanlon.

What are your goals?

Start by putting together a family mission statement, which Hanlon said is a discussion that kids as young as 6 can participate in. Talk about what you want your weeknights to look like. How often do you want to eat dinner together as a family? Do you want to set aside a weekend day or night for a special activity?

Jennifer Gilhoi, parent of Ava, 8, and Calvin, 6, said she and her husband, Chad, have made a conscious decision to have their kids involved in just a few activities during the week while reserving the weekend for family time.

"If you have soccer at 11 o'clock and 3 o'clock on a Saturday, the day really isn't your own anymore," said Gilhoi, who lives in Minneapolis. "I've become selfish about family time. We really value having bigger blocks of time to spend together."

With memberships to many local museums, the family will typically plan a field trip of some kind most weekends; Gilhoi said they have perfected what she likes to call the "1 1/2-hour outing."

"We'll take in as much as we can during that time period and then we'll leave," she said. "That's the best thing about memberships; you don't feel obligated to stay for four hours."

Boston has incorporated her perspective about the value of kids and parents spending time together into her taekwondo classes; parents of the children who participate in her daily 4:30 p.m. classes often take the class, as well.

"You know, your kids really aren't at home with you for very long," said Boston, whose son Jaryyd is hoping to attend law school out-of-state next year. "I'm just a big believer in doing everything you can do to be together."

Julie Pfitzinger is a West St. Paul freelance writer.

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