Ask Amy: Vaccination status is deal-breaker

Dear Amy: My wife's sister moved to the opposite coast with her husband several years ago.

She and her husband, both of whom are extremely frugal, make our home their annual, and only, vacation. While here, they spend most of their time with old high school friends; it's clear to me that we are their "free" accommodations.

My wife does truly enjoy spending time with her sister.

That said, they're both polar opposites of us politically, and are extremely conservative. They spend almost nothing while here and have only treated us once to a modestly priced dinner.

When we visit their town (we have friends there), we always stay at a hotel.

They have never offered their home, nor asked us over for dinner or drinks.

As a "good spouse," I go along with them visiting, but wonder: Are we supposed to host them for the rest of our lives? I know my wife will never say no.

She is against wearing a mask and getting the vaccine. I realize this is her choice. However, I do not wish to host anyone in my home who refuses to be vaccinated.

Am I right to state that while I acknowledge her right to not be vaccinated, I do not wish to have non-vaccinated people stay at our home?

Amy says: Based on the sheer volume of questions similar to yours, it has become increasingly obvious to me that many people are using the vaccination question as a way to finally stop spending time with people they don't like.

It doesn't seem to have occurred to you that this couple do not have the means to host you — or that they might be embarrassed by their home, as compared with yours.

In healthy times, if your wife enjoys her sister's visits, then she should continue to welcome her sister and brother-in-law for their annual vacation. These visits should not last for more than five days or so, and they should continue on into the future for as long as your wife wants.

The CDC guidelines currently state: "Vaccinated people may visit with unvaccinated people (including children) from a single household who are at low risk for severe COVID-19 disease indoors without wearing masks or physical distancing."

I infer that if you had a very close friend or family member whom you actually wanted to spend time with, their vaccination status might not be a deal-breaker.

Yes — it's your house, and you can lay down the rules (with your wife's agreement), as long as you at least privately understand your actual motive for doing so.