Ask Amy: Pandemic opposites make family gathering uncomfortable

Dear Amy: In our family, we have two people at extremes: One is a staunch anti-masker and anti-vaxxer. The other is almost paranoid in her efforts to be safe.

We traditionally have family gatherings at our home for most holidays. The anti-vaxxer usually will scoff at any virus protection shown by anyone when there is a gathering. Meanwhile, the extremely cautious one refuses to come in our house if the anti-vaxxer has been there in the previous 24 hours.

Reasoning with either of them has been fruitless. My wife and I are considering splitting the gatherings, so the two extremes do not conflict. This is very sad and means diluting the festivities we enjoy so much. We are hoping you have some suggestions.

Amy says: These two polar opposites have something major in common: Neither seems to be applying common sense to this challenge.

You have taken this on as a problem you hope to solve, in order to provide a homespun holiday experience for everyone.

You've done your own risk assessment and obviously don't believe that having unvaccinated people in your home presents a risk to you and yours. It seems that the family member who doesn't feel safe is inspiring you to dilute your celebration.

I think you should host your holiday meal (if you still want to) and let the usual parties know the time and place. Let them decide whether to attend.

This doesn't mean that the anti-vaxxer should be free to insult people who don't agree with them. You should let all of your family members know ahead of time that if anyone chooses to degrade other family members or engage in rude or anti-social behavior, you will ask them to leave.

Dear Amy: My mother recently passed away unexpectedly, and I have to clean out her condo.

My problem is that there are so many things that have such strong memories for me. I'm overwhelmed about what to do with all of it. I live in a small, one-bedroom apartment, so I can't take much of it with me. and I would feel guilty if I just called someone in to sell it all off.

The memories these things bring up really make this hard. Can you help?

Amy says: This sad task would be made much easier for you if you had even one person who would do it with you.

This task will be made easier if you break it down into smaller categories. Start with just one room, and have four open boxes: Keep, Donate, Unsure, Trash. Make sure to photograph items that don't make it into the Keep box. These photos are for a time in the future when you're ready to revisit them.

If you are paralyzed, you might want to rent a storage unit to house items until you are ready. Understand, however, that this can bring its own set of challenges. If you rent a unit, set regular goals to continue to go through and pare down these possessions.