Ask Amy: Mourner can't shake the blues

Dear Amy: I am a retired firefighter. I spent my career solving problems and not thinking about the underlying stress I was experiencing. I just did what needed to be done.

I recently had a parent die (not unexpectedly), and then my best friend died, as well. It has taken its toll on me. I feel down and grumpy, starting from the moment I open my eyes in the morning.

I can't find any enjoyment in anything I do and do not want to continue having it affect my family. I know they understand that I'm in a bad mood — and the reasons for it — but it's not fair to them.

The bottom line is I want to enjoy life and laugh again.

Amy says: As a first responder, you experienced high stress on the job, including physical danger and trauma, as well as sleep deprivation. You were a witness to intense human suffering. Now you can use your training and insight to triage your mental health and response to these very tough losses.

I believe a multi-pronged approach would help you, including a clinical assessment regarding your depression, individual counseling, peer support from other first responders, and mindfulness work.

For many people, this is what intense grieving feels like. Sadness plus anger equals grouchiness. Self-care for you would involve learning how to be as gentle and generous toward yourself as you have always been toward others.

I hope you will keep in mind that you are strongest when you recognize that you need help, and that you absolutely deserve to receive it.

Dear Amy: I'm responding to the letter from an exasperated mother regarding children wearing masks in school.

My mother died in 1957 in the Asian flu pandemic. I caught the virus at school (I was in kindergarten) and passed it on to her. My teacher didn't know there was at least one student in her classroom who passed it on to me, and perhaps other students. No one was masked.

I remember my shock and sadness as a 5-year-old on the morning that my mother died. Catching that illness at school has haunted me my whole life. I'm 69 now.

The COVID-19 pandemic has brought back many unpleasant memories, and I am a strong advocate of masks and vaccines.

As of this writing, almost 4.9 million people have died of COVID-19 — 716,000 in the United States. So far, 140,000 children in this country have lost a parent/caregiver to the disease. I haven't seen any estimates on how many of those cases were traced to schools, but even one is too many.