Dear Amy: "Tina" and I have been friends since college and are now in our 50s. When we met we were members of a campus religious organization. However, as the years passed, we both drifted away from our religious affiliations. I now would call myself agnostic.

Recently, Tina has returned to religion and now mentions it often, which makes me somewhat uncomfortable. It seems she may be trying to get me back in the fold.

She decided that she wanted to be baptized and scheduled it at a church three hours away. She said she would like me to go, but I explained that I would not be able to attend because of the short notice. She was forced to cancel due to a family emergency, but then she told me that she would reschedule her baptism so that I could attend.

The problem is, I don't have any desire to go. While I don't begrudge her any comfort her faith is bringing her, I am not interested and don't want to feel pressured to participate. How do I back out gracefully without hurting her feelings?

Amy says: I believe that in this context, honesty is not only called for, but it also is the most graceful way to handle this. You need to state a version of the following: "I'm very happy for you to have renewed your faith, but over the years we've known each other, I've made my own choice about religion and don't participate. I won't be at your baptism ceremony, but I hope it is a joyous event, and I wish you all the very best."

You can't control your friend's response to this, but while she has the right to affirm her faith, you also have the right to affirm your own stand on religion. Neither of you should proselytize, and you should determine to carry on in an attitude of mutual respect.

A missed opportunity

Dear Amy: Many years ago, my mother left a will stating that my brother and I were to share equally in the money she had in some bonds. Because she made my brother the executor of her estate, when she died he was able to sell the bonds without my knowing. He kept all of the money.

My brother died last year. I didn't want to bring up the money at that time because of my sister-in-law's health and her intense grief. But now that it's almost a full year since he passed, I'd like to know this: Would it be morally/ethically correct if I ask her for my share of the money? (I'm pretty sure that she didn't know that he did this.)

Amy says: You had many years to confront your brother and pursue him legally for the money you believe he stole from you, but you didn't do that. My opinion is that confronting his completely ignorant and innocent widow now is both unethical and unkind.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.