Dear Amy: I am very close with my first cousin "Landon." Unbeknownst to him, we are not related at all. Years ago, I asked Landon to submit a DNA sample with the results coming to me, the family historian. That sample revealed that his mother's husband was not Landon's biological father.

I'm an amateur genealogist and have been able to identify his biological father and relatives. They live a short drive from Landon's house.

He's paid no attention to the DNA results, assuming they prove what he's long believed to be true. I've gone to great lengths to protect his privacy while using public databases to research his biological family. But Landon's children or grandchildren could test their DNA any time, revealing this reality.

I don't want to hurt Landon or damage our relationship. Should I tell him about his parentage, keeping in mind that I would then have to confess I've known the truth for years?

Amy says: You imply that Landon has avoided access to his DNA information because he assumes it merely proves that he is biologically related to your family. But maybe he has avoided it because he suspects the truth and he simply doesn't want to confront that. That's a choice he has the right to make.

You might say to him, "As you know, I've studied the family DNA and genealogy. I have access to your information and your unique story, and if you want to learn about it, I can share it with you." After that, he can ponder his options and let you know.

If others discover the truth about his parentage and independently contact him, he would understand that you've offered this information to him.

Dog fight

Dear Amy: I've been friends with "Carol" since third grade. She has a condo in Florida, and I try to visit her once a year.

Her husband died a year ago. Before this year's visit, she told me that she had a man in her life. The first night I was there, she left and stayed overnight with him, leaving me with her two dogs, who barked and whined all night long. She apologized but still stayed at his place every night I was there, leaving me with the dogs.

I am happy that she found a new guy. I didn't even mind her staying at his place. My problem is that she left me with her dogs. This has strained our relationship. She seems mad at me, but I think I'm the one that has the right to be upset. What's your opinion.

Amy says: People enjoying the first rush of a new relationship tend to behave selfishly. But abandoning you to deal with her dogs every night was extremely disrespectful. She owes you an apology.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.