Ask Amy: Accidental call strains friendship

Dear Amy: My friend "Laura" has seemed distant to me lately. She is one of a group of four women who have been friends for a number of years. She is not acting that way toward the others in the group.

When I remarked on her behavior, another friend told me that I must have inadvertently "butt-dialed" and called Laura on my cellphone. Laura told our friend that she heard my husband and me making fun of her son.

I was shocked. If someone had mistakenly dialed me, I would never listen to their private conversation. (Our mutual friend, however, said that she would "totally listen.") Most important, I would never make fun of Laura's son: he is mentally challenged.

Why didn't she confront me instead of bringing it up to our friends when I wasn't there? I feel like I've been tried and convicted. I'm also really angry that she eavesdropped. Should I bring this up to Laura?

Amy says: For people who use voice-assisted dialing, the phone can place a call if it hears a prompt. And so, when you mentioned Laura, your phone likely dialed her number. (Blame Siri — she's such a busybody!)

I'm going to take a contrary position to just about every point you raise.

Yes, I would totally listen to a call if someone "pocket-dialed" me and I heard my name mentioned. So would you, I bet, regardless of what you say now.

Even though you deny what you have been accused of saying, you seem to be issuing a "non-denial denial," a concept popularized by politicians who have been caught doing things they shouldn't. You're not refuting that you made fun of the son; you're saying "I would never" do that. It's a subtle difference, but an important one because it leaves open the possibility that you said something that could have been taken as an insult.

The way you should handle this is to talk to Laura, privately, and apologize. Do not blame her for eavesdropping. Ask her to describe what she overheard. Correct any misapprehensions, and ask for her forgiveness.

And make sure your phone's screen is locking after you've used it.

Dear Amy: My significant other and I have lived together for over 10 years in a house I own. She starts drinking at 3 p.m. When she drinks, she is hard to deal with, both for me and for her teenage daughter. We avoid being with her when she drinks.

I quit drinking three years ago. I hoped my sobriety would encourage her to at least cut back. I have gotten lots of promises from her, but they are always broken.

Do you have any advice before I go ahead with this?

Amy says: Your plan sounds both practical and compassionate. But solicit legal advice before leaving your property. And please introduce her daughter to Al-Anon.