Amy: Affair with trainer taxes relationship fitness
- Article by: AMY DICKINSON
- September 23, 2013 - 3:58 PM
Dear Amy: Nine months ago I ended an abusive and destructive relationship. For the past six months I have been in a happy relationship.
In my previous relationship, I ended up cheating on my boyfriend. This was a horrible mistake but also a way for me to finally find a way out. The person I cheated with is my personal trainer, who was (and still is) dating someone else. I have no feelings for him, but I continue training with him, even though he sometimes makes comments (which I don’t appreciate) that allude to our past mistake.
I feel this isn’t fair to my boyfriend. If he knew my past with my trainer, he would be upset. However, it seems silly to get a new trainer. I have worked with him for a year, and he helped me lose so much weight. Should I get rid of him? I want to do what is best for my relationship.
Amy says: If you want to honor your current relationship to the extent that you grant yourself — and him — an unfettered fresh start, then yes, you should change trainers.
However, the most important reason to change trainers is that this one sounds like he is indiscreet and inappropriate, at least some of the time.
Your weight loss and fitness success should not be contingent on your working with this individual; the person responsible for your health and fitness is you. Also, get tested for STDs (the trainer should, too).
‘Brats’ destroy peace
Dear Amy: My sister and I share a small home. Recently, her daughter, who has three children by different fathers, moved in with us. I did not want this to begin with; however, my sister told her that she could.
All of the peace, quiet and privacy in my life have vanished. The children are, to put it kindly, brats of the worst kind. They yell, scream, fight and make noise. (The community we live in does not permit residents to make noise that violates the rights of others in the community.)
I am fed up and angry with my sister’s daughter living in our home; it is cramped, and she does nothing to control her brats.
I don’t know how much longer I can take this. I am considering going to an attorney to see what can be done to force this woman to control her obnoxious brats and, if necessary, to leave!
Do you have any advice?
Amy says: Calling your niece’s children “brats of the worst kind” is not really putting things kindly, but I get your drift.
It is surprising that your sister could move four additional people into your home without getting your permission. You don’t say if you rent this home together or own it jointly, or if you rent from her, but you do have rights, and it seems that they are being trampled on by many little feet.
A lawyer cannot force this mom to control her children, but a lawyer can clarify your legal rights. Unfortunately, the mother and her children may have tenancy rights; getting them out could be a challenge.
The easiest, quickest and most peaceful solution might be for you to move, but you should thoroughly research your options first.
Dear Amy: I disagree with your response to the letter from “Missing a Link.” This woman decided to contact her biological father, who had no interest in having a relationship with her. She now wanted to contact her half-siblings.
You should have told her to leave well enough alone. It is selfish to interfere in other people’s lives just to satisfy your own needs and ego.
Amy says: This letter writer was determined to try to make connections regardless of the impact on others. I suggested she should tread lightly, and I hope she does.
Send questions via e-mail to Amy Dickinson at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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