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Planting a tree in a big dead dirt-circle, well, that’s practically science fiction, and doing it in under a fifth of a century?
I know, I know: It sounds like just the sort of thing you’d get from someone with no experience in the Tree Department — hey, Joe, get a load of this guy, thinks you can plant a tree within a 52-week window — but it’s worth looking into.
Of course, if I was elected on a platform of “replacing your trees before the mortgage is paid off” I’d be the last to get one, because they wouldn’t want to look like they were playing favorites. You can see that headline: MAYOR HAS TREE REPLACED 47 WEEKS AFTER STUMP REMOVAL.
Things like that make people lose faith in their elected officials.
2. The process for starting a business shall consist of a postcard, sent by the city, which asks “do you want to start a business?” YES or NO shall be the check-box options. If you check YES the city sends you a letter that says, in its entirety, “All righty then. Good luck.”
3. Horse-drawn trolleys, so anyone who wishes to find an easy metaphor for my policies can find it on the streets in abundance.
4. Potholes filled with a material that does not break down faster than crumbled Oreos in milk.
5. Graffiti painted over in 24 hours, unless it’s on a tree; then it takes two years.
6. And so on. I think these are reasonable suggestions, but they won’t get me elected. One of the 35 candidates probably filed as “R.D. Ryebok,” and people will think “better go with someone you know.”
If he shows up for the inauguration in a Vikings hat and a diaper, you’ll know you should have paid more attention.
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