Q: You're out to dinner with a group, and everyone else orders drinks, appetizers and entrees. You know the group will want to split the check evenly, but you had just water and no food. You don't want to pay for the other diners' meals. How do you say that without coming off as the ultimate cheapskate?
A: When dining in a group, there often will be a point person (the one who organized the outing is the typical choice) who will likely receive the check. Inform that person that because you didn't eat anything, you will contribute to the tip but you do not want to split the bill. (If the appetizers were shared among everyone at the table and you grabbed a few, in fairness you do owe for those.)
If you plan on having only water, go to the waiter in private and let him or her know that you would like a separate check. Maybe give the waiter a tip at that time as just a small thank-you gesture for accommodating you.
When you agree to go out, you know it is for a dining experience, so you should plan to order and engage. If you cannot afford it or have a dietary restriction, tell your group of friends that you will hang out another time.
AKILAH EASTER, etiquette expert
A: Instead of being upset about having to pay for someone else's meal, self-advocate. Say something like, "Splitting the bill makes sense if we all ordered the same thing, but because you had the lobster and Champagne, it is better if we each pay for our own, plus tip." There is no need to be snide; a simple matter-of-fact statement works.
Another option is to ask a friend to say something. She can say, "Hey, since Suzy had only a side salad and some water, we should pay more of the bill."
The best solution is to ask the waitstaff before ordering if you can have a separate check. Generally, they are happy to accommodate when you ask in advance.
JODI R.R. SMITH, president and owner of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting
