Q: My boyfriend has a 2-year-old child; I have no kids. She visits every Sunday and spends the night every other Saturday. I love her but there are times I do not want her around. She can be defiant and insists on sleeping in our room. I get mad at her because I feel like it interrupts intimate time with my boyfriend. I'm upset when he gives in to her demands and I want nothing to do with his horrible ex. I don't know how to stop these feelings of frustration and resentment toward the ex and our child.

A: If she was "our child" I doubt you would resent her for wanting to be with you. As a result, you don't understand why your boyfriend would choose to be with his child when he could have intimate time with you — this is possibly at the root of your frustration and resentment. Start by asking your boyfriend about how involved he expects you to be. Since you don't have children, consider taking a parenting class so you can see that this 2-year-old is acting completely age appropriate.

Along those lines, remember transitions are difficult for children, especially if there is no continuity from house to house. They act out when their expectations are not being met. If this child sleeps with Mommy at Mommy's house, then she expects to sleep with Daddy at Daddy's house. She's looking for comfort and continuity. Again, a reason for mom and dad to be on the same page.

Wanting intimate time with your boyfriend is understandable and human, but you're with a man with a child and that should be his first priority. He's only with his child two nights a month and a day visit here and there. You have most of the week with him. Make your intimate time be when the baby isn't around. If you don't want to, you shouldn't be with a man who has children.

You may not want to talk to his "horrible ex," but don't make it difficult for him. He should talk to her. The less conflict after a breakup, the better adjusted the children. Be the girlfriend who advocates time for Dad and baby and you will be around for a long time. Make him choose and you will lose.

Dr. Jann Blackstone is the founder of www.bonusfamilies.com.