A call that your teenager was caught cheating is hard to interpret as anything but bad news, especially in an age of mobile devices and other technology that make it easier than ever to game the system. But you can turn the incident into a learning experience:
Define cheating. Refer to the school's guidelines on the use of electronics, and lay out your own guidelines, too. "Be very clear about what is acceptable and what is not," says Liz Perle, co-founder of Common Sense Media.
Root out a cause. Kids will tell you it's no big deal and everybody does it, says psychologist Jennifer Powell-Lunder (www.talkingteenage.com). "But you have to figure out why this is going on. 'Is the subject really difficult, and you don't get it?' 'Is it because you were texting all night and didn't study?'"
Don't belittle. Say, "'I love you. I think you're terrific. But we need to problem-solve this, because cheating is taking away from yourself and taking away from other people,'" Powell-Lunder says.
Establish consequences. The school has probably taken its own course of action, which you should never undo. Set up consequences at home, too. "Cellular solitary is very effective," Perle says. "No cell phone, no Internet, no Facebook."
Survey the landscape. Is your child receiving mixed messages? "Let's say you have an older child who just applied to college, and you wrote all those essays," Powell-Lunder says. "... We have to be aware of the very subtle ways that small things can be interpreted."
