The problem: We have new neighbors living above us. It’s getting hard to sleep at night because they frequently have loud sex. How do we tell them to quiet down?

Low road: Run upstairs and knock loudly on their door. When one of them opens up, skin flushed, heart pounding and barely covered by an inside-out robe, say, “Don’t worry! We heard your cry for help and just called the police!”

High road: Hmmm, such a difficult problem — for you. For them? Not so much.

Your noisy neighbors might be breaking the bed frame, but they’re likely not breaking any laws. Maybe invite them over for dinner one night to get to know them better. If they tell you that they’re empty-nesters, you could express your shock, and comment that, by the sound of things up there, “We assumed you were newlyweds!” If they are newlyweds, or a young couple not yet married, you could laugh and say, “Yes, by the sound of things, that’s what we figured.” They’d get the message.

But, honestly, it’s probably best to channel your younger, hungrier self. Let the kids be kids, even if they’re boomers. Lucky them! Invest in a white-noise machine, or in one of many apps out there that create soothing waves crashing against a shoreline. Or buy earplugs. Or headphones. Or all of those things. Try to nod off early. And just hope that the person in bed with you doesn’t dare to start snoring.


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