WARNING: hairstyle subject to change

WARNING: hairstyle subject to change

We don’t begrudge the kid a moment of his fame or a penny of his riches, but sometimes it seems as if vast swaths of the internet have been turned into Tiger Beat, and we blame his existence. His popularity requires that websites turn out buckets of Bieber-news, even if there isn’t any. You’re clicking around, here and there, and you run into . . . this:



Justin Bieber tells UsMagazine.com he may switch up his famous, side-swept shaggy 'do one day.

You’re possibly thinking: this is the Onion, right? Some merry-prankster parody site? Because a serious news outlet wouldn’t say that if it wasn’t true. They have editors and fact-checkers who can spot a story that sounds too odd, too bizarre. But true it is! He might change his hair!

"I'm kinda liking the long hair right now," he told Us via e-mail "In the future, I may get bored and change it up but for now I like how it is."

Got it? He has no plans to change it. He’s leaving open the option to change it in the future. This will have a rippling impact throughout the salonosphere:

The New York Times reported Wednesday that teenage guys are paying $150 to get "The Bieber." (A Manhattan salon owner, Cozy Friedman, says 60 percent of his young male clients ask for the messy hairstyle, but are too embarrassed to ask for it by Bieber's name.)

And now, the portion of the story that makes one say: okay, it’s time to read the Economist for an hour to get the brain back to functioning mode:

Bieber, 16, recently Twittered that Kim Kardashian, whom he met at the White House Correspondents' Dinner, was his girlfriend -- causing the E! reality star to receive death threats. "She's hot," Bieber tells Us.

Lad, she would kill you. Don’t even think about it. This completes your Monday Morning Bieber Bulletin; back in a bit as soon as we’ve scanned the wires for something of equal importance.

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