We don't begrudge the kid a moment of his fame or a penny of his riches, but sometimes it seems as if vast swaths of the internet have been turned into Tiger Beat, and we blame his existence. His popularity requires that websites turn out buckets of Bieber-news, even if there isn't any. You're clicking around, here and there, and you run into . . . this:

You're possibly thinking: this is the Onion, right? Some merry-prankster parody site? Because a serious news outlet wouldn't say that if it wasn't true. They have editors and fact-checkers who can spot a story that sounds too odd, too bizarre. But true it is! He might change his hair!

Got it? He has no plans to change it. He's leaving open the option to change it in the future. This will have a rippling impact throughout the salonosphere:

And now, the portion of the story that makes one say: okay, it's time to read the Economist for an hour to get the brain back to functioning mode:

Lad, she would kill you. Don't even think about it. This completes your Monday Morning Bieber Bulletin; back in a bit as soon as we've scanned the wires for something of equal importance.