Ask Amy: Teen needs to avoid ex’s drama

Dear Amy: I’m a high school student with an issue concerning my ex-boyfriend. We dated for two years, but I broke up with him in November. We tried getting back together, but I ended it again in early January.

He was a very controlling person, wanting to decide what clothing I wore or the music I listened to. Now I have started dating another boy who is amazing. We’ve been dating for about three weeks, and I would say that he is perfect.

My ex is spreading horrible rumors about me, as well giving me dirty looks when I see him at school. What do you think I should do about him?

Amy says: First of all, I give you credit for recognizing that your former boyfriend was controlling, and for deciding to break off the relationship.

I also want to caution you to take things a little slowly with your new guy. You should extend the good and careful judgment you’ve shown about your ex to this new relationship. If he’s nice to you and if your friends and your folks like him, these are signs that he is a good fit for you. But no one is perfect.

I think it is wisest for you to avoid your ex completely. Do not react to him, and don’t engage in any social media skirmishes concerning him. Disengage from him as much as you possibly can.

At the same time, you should notify your school counselor about what your ex is doing. If he continues to harass you, and especially if this escalates, adults should step in.

I wasn’t asked to be an attendant, and I’m fine with that. But I’m wondering if there is a role I should have in this wedding that I don’t know about? Should I offer to do something specific?

I don’t want my brother and his fiancé to feel pressured to give me a special job, but I would like to be helpful. Should I reach out to them to ask about this?

Amy says: Aside from pitching yourself as the world’s tallest flower girl (I actually think this is a fun idea), you should assume that you are an honored guest.

As the date draws closer, the couple might have tasks they would like to assign to you. You might preempt this by saying, “We’re all getting excited about your wedding! I’m here and available to help with any last-minute stuff that comes up. Feel free to give my number to your attendants in case they need a hand with anything. I’m happy to pitch in.”

Dear Amy: You were dead wrong in your answer to the reader who asked how to respond to his wife when she complains that her wrinkles make her look old.

Lighten up. It may be vogue to demean men, but maybe once in a while you should act as a counselor.

Amy says: I’ve heard from several people who thought my response was harsh and sexist.

I agree that the reader was sincerely seeking the right words to say to his wife, but he started with this description: “To this day (when she wears makeup) she is still quite attractive.” My response focused on his relating to her instead of judging her appearance.