Dear Amy: Our daughter (age 31) is getting married to her longtime boyfriend. Parents of the couple are contributing $10,000 each to the wedding.
We were expecting a local wedding where friends and family would be able to attend. The couple looked into various venues and could not locate one to their liking. They have since decided to hold the wedding at a fancy resort in Belize.
They said it would be cheaper for them to have the wedding there rather than at a local venue. Whether that's true is debatable. Going would require us to spend at least another $5,000 for flights, food, lodging, boarding of dogs, etc.
And there are other issues. My wife and I are in our upper 60s and in poor health. Plus, no one from my side or my wife's side of the family would attend. Other than the two sets of parents, I doubt if anyone other than the bride and groom's best friends would attend.
We have shared our reservations about traveling, but we are walking a fine line because our daughter can become quite volatile when she is challenged.
We want to support the couple, but feel they are being extremely selfish in their decision. We have resigned ourselves to go but are not happy about it. What to do?
Amy says: Couples sometimes plan destination weddings when they become overwhelmed by the thought of a large local wedding and its attendant hassles. I wonder if this couple are trying to limit the guest list, if not eliminate it altogether.
You might ask if they would be willing to get married in a small, private, local wedding — perhaps at the courthouse in your town — so that you and other health-compromised elders could witness it. Throw them a small party afterward, and then cheerfully send them on their way to enjoy their planned festivities with any other attendees who might be able to make the trip to Belize.
