Ask Amy: Pastor's daughter prays for a break

Dear Amy: My father is a pastor of a small church. He's been pastoring for 30 years.

I'm in my 40s, and I've played a major role in our church all these years. I've served in many roles, such as worship leader, choir director, Sunday school teacher, music director and youth leader.

Like most churches, we've had to pivot during the pandemic, and it hasn't been easy. We've lost many members during this time.

My father is in his 70s and still going strong, but it seems like we don't have a vision for where we're going as a church.

Sometimes I want to be just a member and not play such a large role in the church. I'm also a teacher and mom of two preteens. If I'm there, it's just expected that I have to work. How do I tell my dad I need a break without breaking his heart?

Amy says: I've shared your question with a friend, the Rev. Christian Coon, a United Methodist pastor, co-founder of Urban Village Church in Chicago and host of the podcast "Failing Boldly."

He answer: Pastors love dedicated volunteers! Unfortunately, we too often take them for granted. We don't mean to, but in the midst of juggling many challenges in ministry, we simply count on having people who can be counted on.

I sense in your desire for a break that perhaps your faith life might be a bit dry, too. You might want to convey this to your father by saying something like, "Dad, you have been one of the most influential figures in my spiritual journey. Your sermons have fed me time and again. I still want to hear these sermons, but I'm also feeling led to explore ways to nurture my soul. I think that means stepping away from my leadership positions."

Here's an idea that might allow you to soothe your own soul while staying connected to the church (as well as offering a spark for some new vision, too).

Make an offer to your dad. Suggest that you'd like to be a committee of one. Maybe call it the Committee of Holy Exploration and then take some time to try some new spiritual practices.

I highly recommend Barbara Brown Taylor's book, "An Altar in the World: A Geography of Faith" (2010, HarperOne), which has some wonderful and off-the-beaten-path ways to experience God in the world. (I especially recommend the chapter on the practice of saying no.)

Taking this time away might nourish your own faith life as you collect some new seeds to help your church experience growth again.