Ask Amy: Husband's daily pot use makes wife smolder

Dear Amy: My husband of 20 years smokes pot every day, and I hate it.

Lately, (because of the pandemic) his pot use has ramped up and now the house smells like weed.

I've told him that I don't like being surrounded by the smell of marijuana inside our house. He says I'm hung up on the stigma of it. Maybe so, but he's always known I am not OK with this.

For a long time, he hid his pot use from me and was not doing it at home, but now he works from home, and I'm bombarded with it.

We have children, and I don't want them to be OK with the idea of daily drug use.

Am I overreacting and being judgmental?

Amy says: According to the CDC, secondhand smoke from marijuana carries some of the same risks as cigarette smoke. You have the right to live in a smoke-free environment, and to maintain one for your children.

Yes, pot does still convey a stigma for many people, no doubt influenced by the fact that it has been (mis)classified — and still is — as a "Schedule 1" drug, along with heroin and LSD.

However, even if you are personally able to categorize marijuana with a legal drug such as alcohol (though the effects are quite different), having a partner who is using it daily would make you wonder about the level of his impairment. If he smokes every day, vestiges of the drug are always in his system and he may always be more-or-less baked.

Pandemic or not, your husband should not smoke inside the house or around the children, and you have the right to insist on that. That should be your nonnegotiable.

Otherwise, your husband knows you hate his smoking, and he chooses to do it. Once you can achieve a level of detachment regarding his behavior, you will be liberated from some of your anxiety about it, understanding that the only behavior you can control is your own.

Dear Amy: I work in a popular restaurant, preparing takeout food.

Even without worrying about the virus, this irks me.

What can I do, since it looks like obsessive compulsive behavior, and I need the job.

Amy says: On the first TV cooking competition show I ever watched, the very first contestant was eliminated on the spot for using the same spoon to taste different dishes. I've never forgotten that.

The reasons behind your chef's behavior are less important than the impact of his behavior.

Here's a quote from Bobby Flay: "I always tell my cooks, 'If you're not chewing in the kitchen, you're not cooking.' You've got to taste the food as you go."

Try interrupting this compulsive behavior by saying, "Chef, let me get you some spoons."

Given heightened awareness of the spread of disease during the pandemic, as well as the important service you and your co-workers provide, it is vital that the owner protect the business by insisting on safe food practices. One visit from the health department could result in shutting down the restaurant.

It would be worthwhile to notify the manager/owner of your concerns.