Dear Amy: When our son visits us with his teenage daughter, she totally trashes her room during her stay. As the grandmother and host, can I demand that she keep her room in some semblance of order?

Amy says: It's your home, and you can issue demands with abandon. But your son should work with his daughter to teach her how to be a better guest.

For now, I suggest that you approach this more like a grandmother and less like a drill sergeant. I don't know if you have raised any daughters, but teenage girls are notoriously messy. (I'm having flashbacks just thinking about it.) Some tolerance and grandmotherly indulgence is called for.

Handle this with clarity and humor. Tell the teen, "This is your room while you're here, and I want you to feel cozy, comfortable and at home. But it's my room the rest of the time, so can you do me a favor and keep it tidier? I love looking in and seeing you in this space. But I don't want my head to explode. Imagine the mess!"

Ask her to follow one or two easy-to-follow rules, such as "no food in your room," or "no wet towels on the floor." Make sure there are some photos of her in the room. This (and other decorative touches) might inspire her to respect the space a little more.

You also could teach her some basic life skills. If she is with you for more than a week, ask her to help you to change her bed, launder the linens and remake it. Before they depart, you could ask her and her father to help you to "strip" the beds (hers and her dad's), because that's what thoughtful guests do (or offer to do) at the end of their stay.

Coaching a coach

Dear Amy: I am a recent graduate with a master's degree, and have an opportunity to coach my high school alma mater's cross-country team this spring while I am home looking for a professional position.

I'm excited about the opportunity, but I'm concerned about the best way to communicate with my student athletes. Is it OK to text them? I'm aware that they are vulnerable. I'm also closer in age to them than many coaches might be. I don't want to cross any lines, so I'm wondering about the best way to approach this.

Amy says: This is a valid concern. You should ask the athletic director at the high school to provide specific direction on communicating with students.

There are apps you can use to communicate with a group (about schedules, etc.), which also allow one-on-one messaging. Remind.com has designed an app specifically for educators to communicate with their students and parents. This is done without revealing your (or their) individual phone numbers, thus protecting the privacy of both.

If students don't respect the professional boundaries you set (by oversharing, making personal comments to you, or contacting you too frequently), you should ask your athletic director/mentor for guidance.

If your school does not provide specific-enough recommendations about the best way to keep in touch with your students, you should ask the parents of each of your athletes.

Hoarding horrors

Dear Amy: Thank you for telling a reader not to combine households with her boyfriend, who was a serious hoarder.

I married a hoarder. When my husband died, he was renting five warehouses (not storage lockers, but actual warehouses) to keep his "stuff," because our home was full. Our son is now a hoarder who refuses to seek help. I may never escape.

Amy says: This sounds like a nightmare.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.