Ask Amy: Friend rants, relationship ends

Dear Amy: I have been walking buddies with a neighbor for the past 12 years. We walk together about once a week. While I usually enjoy our time, there have been unsettling emotional outbursts from her, either crying or screaming.

She even has yelled at me, which was shocking and embarrassing, and I admit I have yelled back once or twice — and I am not proud of it. It’s very out of character for me to behave that way, and I really hate it when I allow myself to be reduced to that level.

I usually can look past these incidents because I enjoy our walks, the communication, and the laughs. But last week she screamed at me again. The latest outburst happened as she was trying to tell me about something that was bothering her about a neighbor.

I was unable to follow her train of thought, so I asked her for clarification more than once. Out of nowhere, she screamed at me to stop “correcting” her. I stopped in my tracks. I asked what was wrong with her. Again, she yelled that I was correcting her.

By then I was fuming. I said I’d had enough and began walking the other direction. Suddenly, she backtracked and said, “Oh, I’m over it!” I said, “I’m not.”

The drama makes me uncomfortable, and I hate confrontation. Even if she does reach out now (weeks later), I think it will be too late. I have no problem ending this friendship.

We live in the same neighborhood, however, and it’s possible I will run into her at some point. What should I say when that happens? And because we have mutual friends who may hear about the incident and ask questions, what should I tell them?

Amy says: If you are asked directly about this episode, you might say, “She raised her voice at me, so we’re going our separate ways.”

This neighbor might have a cognitive health problem, or perhaps she is perennially hot-headed. She might leave a wake of similar incidents as she moves through the world. Outbursts could likely relieve whatever pressure she feels building up inside her, and afterward, yes, she would likely feel better.

Based on the time that has passed since the incident, she likely will not apologize, so you should stop expecting this. “I’m over it” might be the closest she can get.

When you encounter her again, my advice is to be cordial and calm. You could try one honest statement: “I don’t like being yelled at. Our conflicts make me extremely uncomfortable, so I’ve decided to keep my distance.”

Dear Amy: I’ve been seeing “Curtis” off and on for a few months. We have what I would describe as a non-monogamous sort of “friends with benefits” relationship. Sometimes we hang out, sometimes we go out, but we are not “a couple.” I’m completely fine with this.

Is it OK for me to tell him this?

Amy says: Yes, it’s always OK to tell someone how you feel, and I hope you will. However, you also need to accept that life equals change.

Everyone involved needs to make sure that all of this casual sex you’re having is also safe.