Ask Amy: Discovering secret stash alarms spouse

Dear Amy: I was doing a deep clean in our bedroom, dusting and going through clothes to donate, vacuuming, etc.

My husband's bureau is stacked high with papers and much more. I decided to remove everything to dust. When I picked up a box, three envelopes with large sums of money fell out. I put the envelopes back in the box and finished dusting.

He was furious when he came home: "Why did you touch my stuff, where is it...?!" He stomped off downstairs.

I didn't mention the money that night. The next morning, he removed the money. I know this because I checked and the box was empty.

He called later in the day, and I said, "Hey, did you hit the lottery?" He responded, "I don't know what you are talking about."

A few days later we were talking about purchasing a new appliance. I again asked about the money. He told me his privacy had been invaded. This kind of threw me off. So I left it at that.

I have no idea what I should be saying/doing at this point.

I suggest that you say: "Honey, as you know, I discovered three envelopes containing a large amount of cash. I believe I have a right to know what that's about, and I know that if the situation were reversed, you would feel exactly the same way."

Partners definitely have the right to privacy, but the top of a bureau is not a private space.

Your husband might continue to aggressively evade your question and refuse to tell you about this cash. If so, you should table the topic, double-check any joint accounts or retirement accounts, and make sure your own finances are secure.

Dear Amy: A few months ago, my husband's sister and her boyfriend announced they were taking my in-laws to the Caribbean on vacation.

They did not invite my husband and me to join them. (My husband's family is small; it is just him, his sister and their parents.)

No one in the family was shy about planning the trip in front of us and texting in our family group chat about how excited they were to go, which I felt was extremely insensitive, given that we weren't included.

Once they were off on the vacation, our family group chat was flooded with messages coordinating logistics, dinner reservations and plans to meet up, which on top of being annoying was another reminder of how we'd been left out.

During the trip, the boyfriend proposed to my sister-in-law and the whole family (minus my husband and me) celebrated in the Caribbean together.

Am I wrong to feel offended that my husband and I weren't included in the vacation and celebrations?

Amy says: I give you permission to feel envious of these family members, jetting and sailing off into the warm sunset. However, you do not have the right to be "offended."

Including all of their Caribbean comings and goings on a group chat that included you was unnecessary. You should have asked to be taken off the chat-chain until they returned.