Ask Amy: Baby gives birth to parenting conflict

Dear Amy: I'm the parent of a 5-month-old. My partner and I love our baby, but we have different approaches to parenting, and I'm concerned that my partner's approach won't be good for our baby in the long term.

We're both introverts, so making "conversation" to promote the baby's language development doesn't come easily to either of us. But I try as much as possible to narrate what I'm doing, sing, etc. My partner mostly makes nonsense sounds or says "hi" to the baby.

Soon I'll be going back to work, and my partner will be watching the baby a few days a week. I'm worried that the baby's development will be delayed because of not enough stimulation.

I can't figure out how to bring this up without it sounding like criticism. Am I overreacting and/or overthinking this?

Amy says: You are right to understand how important it is to connect verbally with babies. Narrating your activities will acquaint your child with speech and language.

But your partner also is narrating the day to your baby — just using different language patterns. "Nonsense sounds" mimic the music of language, and your baby will hear these and start to imitate them.

My overall point is that it's all good. Verbal or babble: The connection is the thing.

I highly recommend the work of T. Berry Brazelton, whose compassionate and common-sense advice has influenced generations of thoughtful parents. Check him out on YouTube, and read his book: "Touchpoints — Birth to Three," written with co-author Joshua Sparrow (2006, De Capo Lifelong Books).

Dear Amy: I want advice on how to be an awesome mother-in-law!

Our 30-year-old son has been dating a lovely woman for three years, and they are engaged. The problem is that I have trouble feeling connected to her. I want to love her, but I'm not there yet.

She is easy to be around, but I feel like we have very different interests. Part of me worries that she is only making the effort to get to know me now, before they are married, to impress our son.

Furthermore, I'm not excited about spending large sums of money on a wedding. We understand we should pay for the rehearsal dinner, and we have offered to pay for the musicians at the reception. But we would rather give them a down payment for a house than pay for this.

Amy says: The way to be a good mother-in-law is to be understanding, nonjudgmental, and open-minded. You should try to be available when asked, but not interfere.

Every choice this young woman makes is followed by your opinion that it is not your taste. You even suspect her motives in relating to you.

Your son has chosen her. You don't have to be "awesome," a mother substitute or her best friend. But you should enter this relationship by accepting her, as she is and making a choice to trust her.