Rick Nelson and Claude Peck dispense unasked-for advice about clothing, etiquette, culture, relationships, grooming and more.
CP: I got a chuckle when I came across the title of a book by Henry Alford: “Would It Kill You to Stop Doing That?” Consider the idea stolen.
RN: WIKYTS texting while, ahem, standing at the urinal? You are not that busy. Or important.
CP: WIKYTS popping your gum? We may tolerate this activity from a sneering, over-accessorized teen, but you are both a fully mature weight lifter and a serial popper. Enough.
RN: WIKYTS with the political rants on website comment sections? Just yesterday I saw someone turn an online chocolate chip cookie tutorial into an anti-Obama- care screed.
CP: WIKYTS spitting?
RN: WIKYTS changing lanes without first alerting the rest of us of your plan? The turn indicator is a relatively easy instrument to master. Honest.
CP: WIKYTS playing your house-vibrating car stereo for 10 or 15 minutes every time you park in the alley, and before turning off your vehicle? This is me dialing 911.
RN: WIKYTS throwing your toxic, non-biodegradable cigarette butts out the window of your vehicle?
CP: WIKYTS going off half-cocked? Strong opinions are great and everything, but first, let’s try to have some actual knowledge. Just as backup, is all.
RN: WIKYTS riding my bumper? I’m not driving in the passing lane, I’m actually exceeding the speed limit by a not-insignificant percentage of the posted miles-per-hour ceiling and I fear that I’m going to feel your headlights in my back should I find myself unexpectedly slamming on my brakes.
CP: WIKYTS standing so close? This is Minnesota, and we are more comfortable when we are not up each other’s nostrils during a conversation. Unless you are really cute, of course.
RN: WIKYTS pedaling through red lights? The last thing the hood of my sedan needs is an unconscious bicyclist sprawled all over it.
CP: WIKYTS waiting till you get to the counter to begin deciding what you’d like to order? After all, the rest of us have been queued up for 20 minutes.
RN: WIKYTS using the supermarket checkout person’s announcement of the amount of your purchase to commence the two-minute search for your checkbook at the bottom of your pup tent-sized purse?
CP: WIKYTS skateboarding at, I dunno, age 35?
RN: WIKYTS hauling a stack of reading material into the men’s room, because, really, you’re going to spend that much time in there?
CP: WIKYTS using nicknames? If her parents had wanted KARE-11 meteorologist Belinda Jensen to be called “Bel” in front of a large TV audience, they would have named her Bel
RN: WIKYTS judging me because I occasionally interrupt my craft beer consumption with an ice-cold Grain Belt Premium?
CP: WIKYTS posting roughly half the stuff you post on Facebook?
RN: WIKYTS staring at your smartphone and just live a little?
Twitter: @claudepeck and @RickNelsonStrib