Each week commenter Clarence Swamptown delights readers with his (somewhat) skewed view of sports and tales of outstate debauchery. This week is no different and might involve the first commenter war to play out somewhere other than the comments, e-mail or a bar. As usual, the opinions expressed do not necessarily represent those of RandBall or the Star Tribune. Clarence? ----------

Last week's Clearance Clarence guest post focused on Minnesota Twins positivity - mostly regarding the belief that the Twins could still make the playoffs despite a horse-{redacted} start to the season. Since then, the Twins haven't lost a game. You would think this week's guest post would be even more positive. You would be wrong.

Last weekend, in his always brilliant Weekend Links post, my internet friend Jon Marthaler called me out – both indirectly and directly - on a few Twins related topics. I respect Jon's baseball opinion, so I would like to take this opportunity to reply to Jon's indictments. First, the indirect charge: "To those who've seriously questioned Mauer's toughness – and you know who you are – I suspect maybe you need to rethink your attitude… if someone else's injury doesn't seem like it hurts, that doesn't make it any less ridiculous that you think it doesn't qualify as a legitimate injury for someone else." While I have never questioned Joe Mauer's toughness, I have questioned the way Joe has handled this season's injury. I do not believe Joe Mauer has been faking the severity of his injury – he was obviously not at 100% to start the season. I don't question Joe Mauer's work ethic - by all accounts he is one of the hardest workers in the clubhouse. I don't question Joe Mauer's toughness – he has proven himself to be one of the most durable catchers in the game, something you cannot do without a high degree of resilience. My problem with Joe Mauer has been the vagueness surrounding his soreness. Nobody has ever fully clarified what has been ailing Joe Mauer, including Joe Mauer himself. Hell, just last week Mauer was asked if he has {redacted} Lyme Disease. Beat reporters don't ask questions like that unless some level of ambiguity remains. The Twins started this season 17-37, and Joe Mauer's injury (and the uncertainty surrounding it) certainly played a role in their failures. Considering this, I simply wish Mauer would have either: 1) taken it upon himself to play through the injury, or, 2) clarified that he was absolutely unable to do so. Instead, he did neither. With the Twins decimated by injuries and locked in a 2-month death spiral, even a 60% Joe Mauer would have helped the team in a limited role. Instead he decided to rehab in Florida on his own terms. With his injury confusingly identified as "bilateral leg weakness" – a murky diagnosis at best – the team and/or Joe would have told us he was absolutely unable to play if that were the case. Instead they kept quiet, offering the occasional coded inferences to soreness and not feeling 100%. I am a Joe Mauer fan. I am happy he is back. I realize his salary, stoicism, and sideburns often make him an easy target. But Joe Mauer is not above criticism. If his leg was broken or his head were concussed, the public may have given Joe a pass. But you cannot blame the unwashed masses for hoping Joe would play through the soreness when his team needed him the most. Sometimes the unwashed rubes are right. Okay, onto Marthaler's direct accusation: John Sickels at Minor League Ball has a quick overview of the team's first 10 picks; Aaron Gleeman has a short review as well. (Both are a little more positive than commenter Clarence Swamptown, who emailed me within minutes of the team's first pick, already comparing infielder Levi Michael to Todd Walker. Guilty as charged. Laugh it up Marthaler. I admit that Levi Michael is definitely a more polished fielder than ol' Tito Walker. I admit that ol' Tito Walker had more power. But their scouting reports share a number of similarities: both are athletic, high-contact players with strong intangibles who are expected to move quickly through the system. Both seem extremely likely to ice a bro. And when Tom Kelly reports from Elizabethton with some nonsense like, "the kid's footwork needs some adjustment" and, "his attitude could use some work," then I will have the last laugh. I WILL HAVE THE LAST LAUGH MARTHALER. *Country & Western Song of the Week: Drive By Truckers, Bob. *Outstate Bar of the Week: The Rusty Nail, Thief River Falls, Minn. What is the bar famous for? A "Rusty Nail" is a hard-nosed lowball typically made with 3-parts scotch and one-part Drambuie. The Rusty Nail is a hard-nosed bar located in downtown Thief River Falls. You can probably get a Rusty Nail at The Rusty Nail, but I wouldn't know because I am a girl and a drink like that would make me puke. BLAH like that, puke. Can I watch the game there? Absolutely. During the week it's your typical small town bar, with your televisions and your cheeseburgers and whatnot. Then on the weekends they have a live band and it turns it into your typical small town nightclub, with your covers of We're Not Gonna Take It and Surfin' Bird and whatnot. Can I watch the NASCAR race there? By all means. Do they have a website? Nope. But they have a MySpace page. What bar games are available? Pool, Texas Hold 'Em, pulltabs, darts, puking, and Twisted Sister covers. Your thoughts on Joe, Levi, Bob, and Dee are welcome in the comments below.