If the new model of the news cycle is hyperacceleration -- forget 24/7, it's more like 3,600/60 (seconds and minutes in one hour) -- then among the byproducts are an increased reliance on name recognition and an outrageous activity in order to get heard or seen in the midst of the overwhelming fray.
Sure, there are still stories that are going to have staying power. But in the sports world, there seem to be more and more stories geared toward making a reader or viewer say, "Huh?" or "Wow!" or "I remember him!" for about 12 seconds before moving on to the next thing.
Here are three examples from the past few days that we found amusing and/or interesting, even if our world wouldn't have been impacted in any way had these stories never come out:
Herschel Walker's 'comeback'
Herschel Walker, who trains now as a mixed martial artist, held a news conference recently in which he said he would like to make a comeback in the NFL -- at the ripe old age of 48.
Not only is Walker, by virtue of the infamous trade -- you can look it up, but we believe the Vikings gave 19 first-round draft picks to the Cowboys in exchange for two-plus forgettable years of Walker -- a click-garnering subject for any Minnesota sports fan perusing the Internet, but he earned double points for saying this: "The two teams I would come back to play for are Minnesota or Atlanta."
Either Walker is delusional or he thinks the Vikings are suckers for comebacks. Or both? Wait, don't answer that.
Ex-Packer Gilbert Brown's new coaching gig
Here's an image that directly leads to 15 seconds of comedy gold: Take a former NFL player known for his girth (former Packers DT Gilbert Brown) and make him the head coach of an expansion football team ... playing in the Lingerie Football League ... in Green Bay.
Tryouts for this new team are apparently next month, and the man who made the Gilbertburger famous will be barking orders. If you don't know what the Lingerie Football League is, it is basically exactly what it sounds like. We'd invite you to investigate the league's website, but do you really want to look for a new job in this economy?
Chad Johnson ... er ... Ochocinco ... er ... Johnson
The week -- and this brief compilation -- wouldn't be complete without the master of the short attention span weaseling into your brain for at least a few seconds.
First, he was Chad Johnson. Then he milked the change to Chad Ochocinco for all it was worth. And now, apparently the wide receiver is planning on changing his name back to Chad Johnson. Has anyone ever gotten more mileage out of such a ridiculous premise?
Let us never speak of this again. Or at least until the next time he changes his name.
MICHAEL RAND
