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Rocket's Red Glare: Tim Thomas' art isn't going to appreciate itself

  • Blog Post by: Michael Rand
  • February 9, 2011 - 12:10 PM

Remember, this is a weekly feature during which commenter Rocket spreads his NHL knowledge so we don't have to. Rocket?

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Hocku of the week

How can it be possible
That Tim Thomas can look
So horrible, yet so great?
 
Fartistry in Motion
 
A few weeks ago my wife, Rockette, dragged me to an art museum. Rockette is deeply invested in art and is making a career out of studying material culture. I am much less interested in art and much more willing to act like an adolescent. As such, when she told me that she wanted us to go to the art museum I asked her why she thought it was so important that we go to a “fart museum.”
 
Despite Rockette’s best efforts at expanding my horizons and deepening my appreciation for the beauty in life, I refused to be moved from my childish absurdities. At the museum, while Rockette drank in the cornucopia of paintings and carving and sculptures, I went around looking for pictures of naked chicks. After an interminable period, she finally had enough and we headed home. Once in the car, an obviously reenergized and gratified Rockette made the mistake of asking me what I thought about our sojourn. I was not to be found with Denny Green, as I did not take the high road. I told her that my only regret about the “fart museum” was that I did not have a can of beans before we went so that I could leave behind a few priceless “fartifacts.”
 
Oftentimes Rockette seems sad to be married.
 
Despite – or perhaps because of – my decided lack of maturity, Rockette willingly attends hockey games with me without (too much) complaint. As of late, we have been treated to some exceptional hockey, much of which has been the product of Tim Thomas.
 
Thomas is, of course, the main man between the pipes for the Boston Bruins and he is having the type of year that can only be described like this. While it is hardly a complete surprise that the former Vezina Trophy winner might have a very good season, it is a bit shocking that Thomas would do so. Last year, the late bloomer managed a mediocre season after signing what looked like a gassy albatross of a contract with the Bruins. He is not a particularly technically sound goaltender, so when complacency seemed to set in it looked like the Bruins were stuck with an ugly cap hit.
 
No so. Yet, Thomas is not just having a great season, he is having a historic season. For every 20 shots he faces he is stopping 19 of them. If his save percentage continues to hold it will be an NHL record, and his less-than-two goals against average is nothing to sneeze at either. As noted above, he is not a master technician, which means that this ridiculous year is not the product of sound fundamentals and good angles but of the sheer doggedness and desperation that produces saves like this and these.
 
I am a bad husband who did not take the time to share and enjoy the many wonderful works of art at the museum with Rockette. When our marriage eventually dissolves I know full well that it will have been my fault for not appreciating her and what she has brought into my life.* While I have missed my chance, I urge all hockey fans not to miss theirs. Boston plays Detroit this Sunday on NBC’s game of the week. If you haven’t already, you need to see Tim Thomas in action during this historic season. He is currently the greatest “fartifact” in the NHL right now.
 
*To any and all divorce lawyers in the future, this is not an admission of guilt on my part. I do not know where her
missing jewelry is, who has been prank calling my mother-in-law, nor do I know how those other lady’s unmentionables got into my glove compartment. I have never heard of any Swiss bank accounts and, for the purposes of calculating alimony, I have made $357 on average each of the past three years.

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