The Enigma seemed as put off by the sight of meat as many are by the eyesore that is he.

The Seattle-born performance artist who's had his body tattooed into the likeness of a giant jigsaw puzzle was here for the Minneapolis Tattoo Arts Convention at the Hyatt Regency. So Monday, he walked down Nicollet Avenue to make his annual pilgrimage to Market Bar-B-Que.

"I've got fresh stuff coming out of the pit," Anthony Polski, company prez-in-waiting, eagerly informed Enigma. "He was like, Oh no, I just came here for the veggie burger. He didn't want to look at it."

Curious, since Enigma's body resembles a piece of USDA-inspected meat that got caught in a stamping machine.

"You try not to stare," Polski said when asked how other diners reacted. "But you stare. He's tattooed from head to toe in the puzzle pattern. His ear is cut to look like a puzzle piece. It's like Evander Holyfield's ear after being chewed off by Mike Tyson."

Neither Anthony nor his dad, Steve Polski, the owner, asked Enigma's girlfriend, Serana Rose, if her guy is tattooed everywhere, but "I'm sure he is," said Anthony.

Enigma also has implanted horns protruding out of his skull, which Anthony said truly look "ridiculous." However, he's also the "calmest guy ever. Calmest couple ever. They were so nice, so polite. It was surprising, because he looks like a freak."

So, who makes Market's veggie burger? "Michael Hammond -- you've met him," said Anthony. "He's an employee of 32 years. My brother from another mother," said Steve.

And what's in it? "I can't tell you the recipe for that," said Anthony. But he invited me to "come over and do a comparison" against Chipotle's black bean veggie burger.

As long as there's no Enigma around.

Heads up, Brett! "Excuse me ladies and gentleman, I've got to text Brett Favre."

That was one of the lines Don Shelby told me he thought about using last week when he took the podium to defend himself during his roast/fundraiser.

The anchorman, retiring after 32 years at WCCO-TV, was an investigative reporter, so what does his gut tell him about Favre's alleged "sexting" scandal? Did he do it?

"I don't think so," said Shelby. "You would think he wouldn't play as dangerously as that. He has a reputation and lots and lots to lose."

WCCO-TV's video of a football hitting Favre in the manly region on the practice field Wednesday is inspiring LOLs.

KFAN's Mike Morris, who was confused about when the video was shot, wanted to know if the football had possibly left a mark that would help prove whether that's Favre in those photos being investigated by the NFL.

WCCO-AM's Chad Hartman said that while Favre may not have thought he needed to wear protection on the practice field, there's one place the QB had better wear a cup these days: "At home."

Tony Kornheiser on ESPN's "PTI" quipped, "That is karma!"

A slasher flick for thinkers? Former KSTP-TV anchor Cyndy Brucato will play the part of a professor in the low-budget horror movie "Victim 1," scheduled to be shot here in 2011.

A casting call is scheduled for today at the airport Embassy Suites from noon to 4 p.m. (Not as silly a time as I first thought, since the Vikings-Cowboys game is at 3:15 p.m.) Moviemakers hope to start shooting in January.

Brucato's husband, Brian Halliday, said she's on board because of their longstanding friendship with the dad of co-writer and co-producer Matt Banks, a U film student. Mark Banks, a retired Blue Cross CEO, and Halliday have been best friends since fifth grade.

Brucato's character will lecture a class about legendary serial killers Ed Gein and Jeffrey Dahmer, said Evan Kail, a chum of Matt's and a U senior who wants to be a screenwriter.

"You watch a horror movie, and I know you're not a fan of the genre, and it's just stab, stab, stab, stab," said Kail. "We want to make a short movie where the dialogue flows, very 'Silence of the Lambs.' We're trying to make this a smart movie. One reason the movie 'Saw' did so well is that it was intelligent. It had a deep script, and that's what we have."

C.J. is at 612.332.TIPS or cj@startribune.com. E-mailers, please state a subject -- "Hello" doesn't count. Attachments are not opened, so don't even try. More of her attitude can be seen on FOX 9 Thursday mornings.