Q: I have a good boss, but she is very chatty. At meetings, we never get through my agenda items and it's hard to get her focused enough to make decisions. This makes my job more difficult. How can I handle this without making her mad?

A: Focus on what you want rather than explaining what you don't want.

The inner game

This type of day-to-day issue can get under your skin, so take stock to ensure that it isn't damaging your relationship. It sounds like you're looking for improvement to a good situation, and that's the point of view you'll want to hold onto.

Spend some time thinking about your boss' behavior. Are there times when her talkative nature is an asset? Perhaps it's useful to set people at ease. Consider what drives it, as well. If she is more extroverted by nature, she may just operate this way instinctively. Or it may be a coping mechanism, for example, if she's nervous during a conversation.

Reflect on tactics you've used that have been successful with her or that have worked for you in dealing with others. Also notice other people's strategies for managing her. Your co-workers may have figured out some ways to get her focused.

Notice your role in the dynamic. Do you tend to be talkative, too, and get distracted? Or are you being more passive than is beneficial?

The outer game

If you've identified some tried-and-true approaches, then make a plan to use them consistently with her, and that may address the issue. However, if you're just starting to take steps to manage this, here are some ideas to consider.

First of all, talk about the dynamic with her. Use "me" statements so that you don't put her on the spot. For example, you might say, "When we run out of time to discuss all the items on our agenda, I feel anxious because I won't be able to move forward on my projects."

Draw her out on her feelings about your meetings so that any changes don't leave her less satisfied than she is now.

Then explore steps you could take to get the outcomes you want from your meetings. If you don't have a written agenda, consider always developing one for your meetings with her.

Other ideas include:

• Start each meeting with a summary of what you need in terms of advice or decisions. Come to agreement that you're both on board with the agenda.

• Put your agenda in priority order so that you cover the most important pieces right away.

• Assign an amount of time to each agenda item.

If you're not a firm time manager in general, now's the time to start. Do frequent check-ins during your meetings and be assertive about moving the conversation along.

She may already be aware of this tendency, and you may encounter openness to change. In that case, you can use some humor: "There you go again, Susy!" to help rein her in.

The last word

Be positive and clear about your needs in any meeting to help build productivity.

What challenges do you face at work? Send your questions to Liz Reyer, leadership coach and president of Reyer Coaching & Consulting in Eagan. She can be reached at liz@deliverchange.com.