Commenter Clarence Swamptown will delight you with tales of minor league baseball and outstate bars. As usual, the opinions here on architecture, Simon, and Garfunkel do not necessarily reflect those of RandBall or the Star Tribune. Here we go. Clarence?

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There is a noticeable feel of Fall in the air. High school football two-a-days have begun. You can actually sleep with your window open. The Vikings have already left Mankato, where a curious number of star players didn't play or were missing from camp for unusual periods of time. I almost liked it better when the Vikings star players were either getting into drunken fistfights or crashing their Camaros into the Hardees drive-thru. At least they were in camp. *Housecleaning: A few months ago I wrote about the Saint Paul Saints' campaign for a new urban ballpark. I wrote that if the Saints want any public assistance for a new stadium, they should partner with the Minnesota Twins for financial assistance and become a Twins farm team. I am not a huge fan of public money for private stadiums, but it bothers me that the closest Minnesota Twins minor league team is in Beloit, Wis. I recently wondered how common it is for a Major League team to have no minor league affiliates nearby. After a doing a little research, it turns out that there are only two Major League teams that do not have a minor league affiliate in their home state: the Chicago White Sox, and the Minnesota Twins1. I am not comfortable sharing any distinction with the White Sox, much less this particular distinction. So I repeat my earlier request: the Minnesota Twins should create a minor league team in Minnesota. Ideally, the St. Paul Saints would replace the Beloit Snappers as the Twins' Class A team in the Midwest League. Or perhaps a team in Rochester, Minnesota would work. Rochester has a beautiful ballpark. Recently on his afternoon radio show, Patrick Reusse said that the Beloit Snappers' stadium is a giant dump. Why would the Twins want to be associated with that? Interest in the Twins' farm system is at an all-time high, so I cannot understand why the Twins want to have their closest farm team in Beloit. 1 The Washington Nationals and the Toronto Blue Jays also do not have minor league teams in their home state, but they also do not exist within a state. The Nationals have an affiliate next door in Virginia called the Potomac Nationals, and the Toronto Blue Jays have a team across the border, only 200 miles away in upstate New York (even closer if it wasn't for that stupid Lake Ontario – by far the stupidest of the Great Lakes). *Completely Impeachable Terrible Song of the Week: The Sound of Silence by Simon & Garfunkel. The dart scene in Old School is the only redeeming quality of that terrible, terrible song. *Outstate Bar of the Week: The Salty Dog Saloon & Eatery, Backus, Minnesota. The Salty Dog is located a few miles east of Backus, adjacent to Sanburn Lake. What is the bar famous for? They don't do anything particularly well, but they don't do anything bad either. It's just a great little Northwood's bar with a solid menu and cheap drinks. They have a huge aquarium stocked with game fish behind the bar. They also have a load-bearing wooden post in the middle of the building that has been carved into the shape of a mustachioed cowboy holding up the ceiling with one hand. I have done unspeakable, appalling, drunken things to that poor wooden cowboy.

Can I watch the game there? It's a great place to watch the game. If you're on vacation at the cabin, I always recommend leaving on Monday. Stop in to the Salty Dog on Sunday afternoon and watch the Twins game. Then go back to the cabin and live it up on Sunday night, and leave on Monday morning without fighting traffic. Can I watch the NASCAR race there? They only have one television, so no. I am watching the Twins, and I was here first. Do they have a website? Nope. Are they on Twitter? No. Anything else I should know? Let's say, theoretically, that you are at the cabin with your wife, sister, brother-in-law Tommy, and your collective pile of children. It's raining outside, the kids are loud and bored, and everyone is going stir-crazy. You say, "HEY TOMMY WE'RE OUT OF BAIT" and then you leave. But in reality you and Tommy are just looking for a place that actually has a television, air conditioning, and peace and quiet. The Salty Dog is on the way to the bait store, and their parking lot is not visible from the highway, so you and Tommy will never get caught. Before you know it, you've had 20 drinks each. During the summer, the sun doesn't really set until about 10 p.m. in northern Minnesota. The Salty Dog is dark and only has a few windows in the back, so when you're done drinking you'll step outside and get that beautiful "I'M DRUNK AND IT'S STILL LIGHT OUTSIDE" feeling. *A Little Known Fact About Local Architecture: There are a lot of stupid buildings in Minnesota, and the Clearance Clarence staff has never been shy about exposing fraudulent architectural works of "Modern Art" that are nothing more than pretentious and lazy piles of glass and steel, buildings that are so deliberately original that they become unoriginal. I do not know what it is about modern architects that make them want to construct a garish buildings. That said, there are dozens of Target Fields and Gonda Buildings that are new and modern and inventive and beautiful. It's more fun to criticize ugly buildings, but we should also take the time to celebrate modern buildings that successfully combine form and function. Your favorite works of local modern architecture are welcome in the comments. *Country & Western Song of the Week: Sneaky Snake by Tom T. Hall. Please include your thoughts on the ideal city for a local Twins' farm team, terrible songs, good outstate bars, beautiful buildings, and sneaky snakes in the comments below.