This blog covers everything except sports and gardening, unless we find a really good link about using dead professional bowlers for mulch. The author is a StarTribune columnist, has been passing off fiction and hyperbole as insight since 1997, has run his own website since the Jurassic era of AOL, and was online when today’s college sophomores were a year away from being born. So get off his lawn.

Worst Movie Openings Ever

Posted by: James Lileks under Movies Updated: April 1, 2010 - 9:54 AM

No doubt you’ve heard that Uma Thurman’s new movie set a new record for a bad opening. It grossed under 90 pounds in England. Opening weekend had 11 paying customers. One person showed up on opening day. The movie cost between $3.5 million and five million bucks - estimates on the internet vary, but that’s still cheap. Said a Guardian columnist:

 

Few vanity projects can be as ill-conceived as this laughless, goggingly slow Uma Thurman vehicle about a stressed mum in Manhattan juggling domestic duties with writing what appears to be the world’s worst blog.”

 

Goggingly! There’s your new word for the day. It does sound horrible, though, and the reason might be “Manhattan.” While the venue may appeal to the “Sex in the City” demographic most people can smell that Fantasy Movie Manhattan miles away. You know, the place that’s always fascinating, full of great hats and places to eat and interesting sexual partners who have one conspicuous flaw, etc. If this doesn’t appeal, you’ll have little sympathy for Uma Thurman in Dowdy Mode, complaining about jugging motherhood and work and love in Manhattan. Unless she’s kept in place by an electronic monitoring device and can’t leave, that is.

Anyway, here are some movies that also opened poorly, adjusted for inflation and presence of Eddie Murphy. 

By opening poorly we mean Money-wise, not in terms of interminable tracking shots. Because then the list would be all DePalma.

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