A couple of weeks back, the Supreme Court ruled that basically, when it comes to campaign contributions, corporations are the same as people. And while we're not ready to go as far as the NPR commentator who wondered if large companies would jump from the First to the Second Amendment and start their own armies, it got us to wondering:
If local corporations were people, whom would they be? Our best guesses follow.
Valspar: Lady Gaga. Surely the most colorful celebrity of the moment.
Best Buy: Ashton Kutcher. Not a bad icon for the Geek Squad, and he obviously has cross-generational appeal.
United Health Group: Jennifer Aniston. The very picture of health, with no apparent pre-existing conditions.
Target: Bruce Willis. A scrappy man of the people, and that bull's-eye logo would look mighty fine on his pate.
3M: Martha Stewart. Stick-to-itiveness has been a hallmark of her career, pre- and post-incarceration.
Arctic Cat: Brett Favre. Still looking sharp and operating in top condition even after all that mileage.
Travelers Co.: Beyoncé. Put a ring on it, baby -- and make sure you get that diamond fully insured.
Pillsbury: Seth Rogan. Shave those curly locks, and you're talking the Pillsbury Doughboy incarnate.