We've all been there — in the middle of a party, surrounded by fun people, fun music and fun cocktails, but sucked so deeply into the most unfun conversation with the person who just won't take a breath.
"She wants your ear," said Amy Alkon, sassy Advice Goddess blogger (AdviceGoddess.com) and author of "Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say (expletive deleted)."
"I love my ears," Alkon added, "and she's not getting them."
Tolerating a conversation you don't want to be in doesn't make you more polite. "It's not self-compassion if you're sitting there and you want to put a screwdriver into your ear so you don't have to listen to the person anymore," Alkon said.
You can politely extricate yourself from a conversation, but there's a science to it.
"At the root of manners is empathy, and this is actually what you need to know to get out of these conversations, because you can get out of them while being kind," Alkon explained. "And that's the really important thing. You use a bit of behavioral science research."
Here's Alkon's advice:
Give a reason. Alkon cites a study by social psychologist Ellen Langer that found that people are more apt to comply to a request, even a ridiculous one, when given a reason. So, your key is the word "because." Almost any reason will work in this case, Alkon said — because there's something funny about your drink, because you need to run to the bathroom, etc. Just remember to follow through.
