Q: My husband's two sons live with us about 40% of the time, and I have my three sons full time. My husband travels during the week, so it is sometimes only me and five boys. Now his ex says we need to have the kids 50/50 (the kids want this, as well), and even though my husband is out of town a lot, she still thinks it's his responsibility to take the kids. In reality it will be me looking after them, and I feel that I am doing as much as I can, so I have refused. Am I being unreasonable? What's good ex-etiquette?

A: Most of the time, parents feel that any additional time with the kids should be spent with the birth parent, not the bonus parent. Yet in your case, Mom doesn't seem to mind that you are the primary caregiver when the kids are with you. That makes me wonder if she has someone new in her life and wants more free time.

Then again, if the boys are in their teens, that's the time when children start to gravitate to the same gender parent. It may not be his ex but the boys who want more time with Dad.

An additional 10% is not much more time and may just mean Dad's weekends don't end on Sunday but are extended to Monday morning. If that's where the increase comes from and Dad travels during the week, he could be home on Sunday evening, and it won't be up to just you to take care of all the kids.

Sounds to me like you all need to have an honest discussion as to what that 10% increase really means. More important, it's time to take a hard look at your reasons for your refusal. If you are overwhelmed or feel you are being taken advantage of, discuss it openly.

You are not the only parent in this scenario. Everyone should do their part, beginning with the bio parents. (Good Ex-etiquette for Parents Rule No. 4, "Bio parents make the rules, bonus parents uphold them.") That's good ex-etiquette.

Jann Blackstone is the founder of bonusfamilies.com.