Ask Amy: Time to give granddaughter the boot

Dear Amy: My 20-year-old granddaughter didn't get along with her father and asked to move in with me a year ago.

She was having emotional problems and even at one point tried to end her life. She was also diagnosed with juvenile arthritis.

Because she was having problems with her dad, I allowed her to move in, telling her it was temporary. She promptly quit college and her job. She sleeps most of the day.

She only comes home when she feels like it (a few nights a week). Her bedroom is wall-to-wall clothes, dirty dishes, etc. I always used that room for my other grandchildren to stay over. Now, none of them want to stay with me.

I'm 71, have worked all my life and am retired and struggling to get by. I love my granddaughter, but I don't know how much drama and negativity I can take.

I've told my daughter all of this, but she still doesn't want her daughter to move back home. She doesn't seem to care. Am I wrong in wanting her to move out? Please help me know how to handle this.

Amy says: You are not wrong to want your granddaughter to move out. It's your house, your life — and her mess.

Your granddaughter has two parents she might need to bounce back to for housing. She is not without resources.

Sit down with her. Tell her that you love her and that you were happy to provide her with a place to lay her head when she needed it. And tell her that it is time for her to develop a plan to move out.

Give her a reasonable and firm deadline, discuss housing solutions with her, let her parents know that the clock is ticking and very calmly endure whatever temporary drama she introduces into the process. Tell her, "You can do this." And then make sure she does.

Dear Amy: I am 82, independent and retired from a nursing career. My children are adults. My son and one of my daughters each have a dog.

I am the official dog-sitter, and it clouds my happiness. I don't want to be selfish, but I want peace in the years I have left.

How do I get my life back? Please, help me!

Amy says: Six years of daily visits? So the dog won't be lonely? Sigh.

I assume that at one point, many years ago, you agreed to this. Perhaps you even enjoyed your daily commitment for a while, or pretended that you did.

But things have changed. For one thing, you've got older. One of the privileges of age is the right to live your life the way you want to, and to truthfully state your preferences.

Try a version of this: "I'm letting you know that I'm retiring from dog-sitting in one month. This should give you time to arrange for daycare for the dog."