Ask Amy: He wants no responsibilities

Dear Amy: I'm about to turn 40. I've known since I was 30 that I want as little responsibly as possible. My plan is to never get married, have children, purchase a home or have pets. I figure I have enough responsibilities: I have to work, pay rent, bills, etc. I do this well. My credit score is 800.

I'm often called a "man-child." People call me selfish because of my choices. I'm told to "settle down," which to me feels like a prison cell of additional responsibilities. What do you think?

Amy says: I think that your primary problem is the way you see yourself.

You don't mention your parents. At some point, you may be forced to face the prospect of accepting or rejecting responsibility for their care and welfare. If you intend to refuse to do this, you should be completely honest with them, now. Perhaps you already have done so, and these are the people deriding you as a selfish "man-child."

You seem to be seeking affirmation, but here's a tip: You are free to live any way you want. To me, living a life completely free of attachment, complication or contribution would lack meaning — but you're built differently.

Whether your attitude is fear-based or enlightened depends on whatever meaning you attach to your own existence and the choices you're making.

Dear Amy: My adult eldest son has not spoken to me in years. The last time I saw him, he was rather abusive, mocking my occupation as a special education teacher and trying to convince my other children that I am a horrible person.

Recently, my extended family decided to hold a family reunion, and at the top of their list of invitees was my son. I expressed that I felt uncomfortable with this, and was surprised that some members of the family did not care.

My husband and I are thinking of not attending the reunion because of this. Do you think I am wrong to feel this way?

Amy says: Family reunions are intended to be fun and peaceful meetings of the clan. But sometimes, these events turn out to be cliquish at the core, surrounded by a series of awkward encounters with family members you barely know and — yes — some you plain don't like.

You aren't wrong to feel the way you feel. You might, however, be wrong to let this estranged family member control your presence at the reunion.

Issuing this invitation to your son does not mean that he will attend. And if he does attend, you will have lots of support — and many witnesses — if he misbehaves.