Ask Amy: Girlfriend's daughter has very cold shoulder

Dear Amy: I lost my wife to cancer 10 years ago. I was devastated. Later that same year, I met the new love of my life, "Laura."

Two years ago, I moved in with Laura and her daughter "Maura." It took Maura time to warm up to me even a little bit.

Now that the three of us live together, she is at least tolerant of me, but I am frustrated that she won't let me be any closer. Laura and I are semi-retired, and Maura is an adult (in her 40s) and works only when she feels like it, which is fine by me.

When the three of us are together, Maura will engage with me, but whenever I am alone in the house with her, she avoids me entirely. I have gone to great lengths to gain her trust and to let her be her own person, but I am saddened that she only interacts with me as if to please her mother.

Laura adopted Maura at a very young age and raised her as a single parent. She didn't know her birth parents, so Laura is the only parent she has ever known. Laura is a wonderful, outgoing, kind and caring person, but Maura can seem so aloof.

It's just so hard for me to understand. Why won't she let me in?

Amy says: Maura was raised by a single mother, has always lived with her mother and has no other family — and, based on her work history, possibly few connections outside of the household.

If she behaves well toward you for her mother's sake, I'd say: at least it's a start. You should behave kindly and consistently toward her. You could attempt to communicate an awareness that your presence presented a huge life change for her and that you appreciate her efforts to make room for you.

She might not understand that there is an advantage for her to form an independent friendship with you. You and Laura could create some inclusive "family" rituals: Game night, movie night, or joining a club together could provide some common ground.

Also, respect her privacy. If she is an introvert who values being alone, then respect her need for quiet.

Lastly, keep in mind that it's also possible that she just doesn't like you. If so, accept her politeness.

Dear Amy: My best friend and I have been in political agreement for 30 years. However, he has started watching a politically biased broadcast and has fallen into a rabbit hole.

I know that some people get along fine even though they have opposite views. How do they do it?

Amy says: People who manage to have peaceful relationships even with opposing political views do this by recognizing each other's right to think what they want to think, express their views peacefully and to change their minds if they want to.

There are rabbit holes, and there are rabid rabbit holes. If your pal has simply changed his stance on some major issues, that's one thing. But if he has adopted some strange, conspiracy-fueled nonsense that is overtaking his conversation and relationship with you, then you might want to re-evaluate the relationship.

Keep in mind that your friend also might be rethinking his relationship with you.