Ask Amy: Family challenges add to bride's stress

Dear Amy: I have a difficult relationship with my parents and sibling, and I have worked to set boundaries in the past few years that have made me happier in general. I no longer choose to feel personally responsible for their happiness or success, because they make their own choices and resist help.

My concern lies with my aunts and uncles. During family events, they pull me aside individually and expect details and personal conversations regarding my parents and sibling. They make me feel personally responsible for these problems, and the result is that I feel terrible for months.

My bridal shower is coming up. What is a polite way to handle their questions on what is supposed to be a happy day for me?

Amy says: Landmark events (such as weddings and their attendant celebrations) can be nerve-wracking, especially in families like yours.

Your aunts and uncles, who presumably love and care about you, might not see you (or your parents) often, or privately. Assuming even the kindest motives, they are using family gatherings to dig for intel about your folks.

One way to politely shut down an inappropriate line of questioning or conversation would be to say, "Let's not do this right now. Thank you for coming to my shower. I want everybody to have a good time today."

You say that they make you feel responsible for family problems, but how you interpret these inquiries and conversations is up to you.

Dear Amy: My husband and I have been tossing around the idea of sending our oldest daughter to preschool next school year.

I'm worried that she won't be challenged in school. I'm also concerned about her long-term education, especially dealing with math. She's smart. She asks questions that even make me do some research.

Is it possible to homeschool her for a few years and then send her to school? Or do I have to decide on either homeschool until she graduates or public school until she graduates? My husband is convinced that once we decide, there's no going back.

Amy says: You and your husband don't seem to have done even cursory research about your schooling options. Reach out to other parents, and research local schools and homeschooling support.

Your local elementary school might be great. And the impact of a quality preschool experience for your daughter will last for many years.

Dear Amy: You recently answered a letter concerning a man who felt uncomfortable wearing his Ivy League school's logo because he would feel like an elitist.

I am a Navy veteran and often wear a ballcap with my old ship's name. I don't want to be elitist, either, but I am proud of my service, and the cap is often a conversation-starter. Your thoughts, please?

Amy says: I don't believe it is elitist to demonstrate your pride of service and sacrifice. Ivy League graduates have reasons to be proud of their accomplishments, too, but in my opinion, they don't rise to the level of risk and sacrifice that serving in the military does.