Ask Amy: A friend in need needs more friends

Dear Amy: As something of an introvert, I have never had a ton of friends. And those I do have, they've never been a tight group — just individuals with some overlap among people who know each other.

As we've gotten older, and especially since the pandemic, I don't see or speak to my friends as frequently as I used to. Some have gotten busier with work and hobbies, and some are still reluctant to resume normal activities.

All of my friends seem to have friends they are closer to than they are to me, so they don't seem to "need" me as much as I need them. I have tried meeting new people at activities I participate in, but it's hard to get past the friendly acquaintance stage.

We are all in our 50s, so I feel I should be past this. How do I make new, genuine, friends at this age and/or strengthen the friendships I have?

Amy says: It would help if you could recognize that longstanding, deep and intimate friendships are a fairly rare treasure.

Your statement reveals an assumption that "all" of your friends have friends they are closer to than they are to you. Even people you might believe are social butterflies likely have only one or two people they feel truly intimately connected to.

My first suggestion is that instead of trying to find new friends, you do what you can to improve the connection with the friends you currently have. This would involve you being more actively in touch.

These "check-ins" are a reminder to others that you are here, and that you are interested in them. This might be especially important to those friends who are still somewhat sequestered.

Also, while you are making these personal efforts, do everything you can to stay busy. Those glancing connections with others can yield very satisfying moments, as well as an important sense of proportion and perspective.

Dear Amy: I am a physical therapist and work in a building with others who do the same.

I have my own office. I used to rent space in it to a friend, who recently moved to another room on my floor when it opened up.

After she moved, she asked to use my office for an hour when she knew I wouldn't be there. I said yes. Today when I came in, I noticed that she had been in my room again but hadn't asked me first.

What would be a good way to clear things up, while keeping things friendly between us?

Amy says: It's especially hard to say no if you aren't asked.

You should be straightforward: "Now that you have your own space, it's important that you not use mine. If you have an emergency, let me know and we can talk about it."

After you talk, it would be wisest for you to make sure that you are the only person who has keys to your room. Change the locks, if necessary.