Q: I like your philosophy of "I'll try anything at least once." There are a lot of things to try! Based on your experience and recognizing that everyone has their own preferences when it comes to sex, what are two things you think will leave the impression of "Been there. Done that. I'm over it?" How about two things you recommend as a regular part of anyone's sexual repertoire? Finally, two things that are fun, exciting, satisfying but best left for only once in a while? JADE
A: You're right, the answers to your questions could be completely subjective, depending on whom you ask. But since you asked me and my occupation happens to be writing objectively about sex, I like to think you came to the right place. Plus, I repeated your questions to a bunch of my brash, foul-mouthed friends and even a few strangers at the bar to get the broadest honest opinion.
Been there, done that, I'm over it: Threesomes. No matter which way you do it -- MMF, MFF, MMM, FFF -- it never turns out the way you think it will. Someone is always left out, bored or slightly resentful. Look closely at threesome porn and you'll always see a dejected participant who can't hide his or her disinterest in the moment, even after a hell of a lot of editing.
Vanity also has no place in the bedroom. Worrying about what you look like during sex does nothing but distract you from the experience and separate you from your partner. While there's no method of measuring a woman's self-consciousness, it's safe to say that many women are so concerned with their naked appearance in bed that they can't just let go and enjoy the experience. Most sex experts agree that this emotional hindrance plays a big part in many women's inability to reach orgasm during sex. Ladies, turn the light off if you have to, or blindfold your man if it makes you feel better. To our partners: A little complimenting goes a long way. If she looks hot, say so.
Regular part of sexual repertoire: Making out. To simply cite "foreplay" would be to ignore the very important act of kissing. (Besides, there are always those over-the-hood-of-a-car or office-building-stairwell encounters when foreplay's hardly necessary.) Making out before sex sets the mood. Making out during sex muffles the moaning so your roommate can't hear. Post-coital kissing is practically a requisite. Even if you just played out a particularly kinky fantasy that involved being gagged, slapped and choked, some sweet necking afterwards makes everyone feel a little less awkward about the event that just transpired.
Which brings us to our next necessity: laughing. Sex is fun and it's also often very funny. One friend even said he doesn't think he's ever had sex without laughter. Whether it's an icebreaker during a first time with someone new, or giggling at a one-liner afterward (for which I am famous), laughter is key. It's also a natural reaction to feeling good, which should be synonymous with sex.
Exciting but best left for once in a while: Nothing! If you're into wearing a red rubber mask while whipping your lover's bare ass with a riding crop, then go nuts. Do you like donning a double strap dildo harness, even when there's no one else around? Then do it every day of the week if it makes you feel good. The notion of special-occasion sex is B.S. There's no reason to deprive yourself or your partner of ecstasy (unless someone is really weirded out, which is a whole other column). Yes, it's OK to request an extra-long rim job on your birthday, but that's like requesting Fogo de Chão instead of the usual Outback Steakhouse. You were already going out for dinner anyway, now you're just getting treated to better service and a bottomless meal.